Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Reason #150 to Despise Hulk Hogan

Like the backed up jail house toilet in the cell that his infantile, unrepentant, and hell bound son is now sharing with three other lil' hooligans, Hulk Hogan will be clogging the CNN airwaves tonight with a litany of implausible, disingenuous, and smug denials, rationalizations, justifications, and contritions for putting the blame squarely on the pinch-welt covered shoulders of John Graziano for the Idiot Son instigated car crash that left him in a vegetative state and for having the temerity to claim that this was God's way of punishing Graziano because of the "things he was into" (Being deployed and risking his life to fight in a wholly unnecessary and incompetently executed/managed war? Befriending a piece of shit like Nick Hogan?)...all whilst plugging the ratings disaster that is the second season of American Gladiators, his messy and seemingly never-ending divorce proceedings, the rewards of engaging in predatory sexual behavior towards one's daughter, the fact that he's filling up a chick physically akin and of similar age to Brooke with his demon batter, and whatever other sordid and dissolute details are revealed about the Hogan family between now and 8pm CDT.

And Arabian Facebuster has got you covered! We -- well, yours truly Malibu Sands -- will be semi-live blogging the proceedings tonight on Larry King Live...reframing the slow-pitch softball questions lobbed over by King (i.e. "How's your son holding up?"), deconstructing Hogan's evasive and self-righteous responses, and unleashing an acerbic critique against his shameless spin, perpetual self-promotion and self-absorption, and total moral bankruptcy and personal failings.

Plus, I'll be taking a shot of wine every time he utters the word "brother!!!" I believe this is what the kids today refer to as "appointment blog reading."

Update: Gentlemen, I am delighted to confirm that a four-pack of Riunite Lambrusco dell Emilla (which I procured, along with some jars of baby food, out of the clearance bin at the So-Low expired foods emporium in North Minneapolis) is officially on ice for tonight's festivities.

5 comments:

Pencil Neck Geek said...

Your Tuesday evening schedule opened up just in the nick of time!

Can't wait for the Hulkster to elaborate on the type of "heavy shit" that Graziano boy was into to incur God's wrath.

My sympathies are with the Almighty's blessed messenger, Nick Hogan, for the sacrifices he's made to carry out His will.

Poor guy- you know he's really, really bored in jail, right?

Sheldon said...

You do realize that John Graziano is at least PARTIALLY to blame for his current state, right?

First of all, it makes me laugh so hard how the media and his family are trying to paint him as being completely naive and simple minded. The guy knew EXACTLY how much of an idiotic reckless driver Nick Bollea was/is. Why, prey tell, would he get within a hundred feet of a car with Nick behind the wheel, after he had been drinking, no less?

Second, what kind of bonehead in this era gets into a car without wearing a seat belt? ESPECIALLY in a car with Nick Bollea driving? If you ask me, for his own reckless attitude and irresponsible ways, John Graziano had to know he was putting his life on the line. Perhaps this is what Hulk Hogan is referring to when he says "Heavy shit", eh?

Sounds to me like you have such a sick, insane hatred for the Hulk that you are blindly following whatever the media tells you to think. How about being objective once in a while? I'm not saying John Graziano deserved what he got...no way. However, let's not pretend he didn't know what he was doing, either. Sorry to say, but John Graziano is every bit as much to blame for his condition as Nick is. Brother.

Apollo Spas said...

Our hatred for Hulk Hogan is both healthy and as close to sane as anything can get in these chaotic modern times. Brother.

Sheldon said...

I feel bad for you then. To have "hatred" for someone who's never done anything to you personally...I'm sorry but that's just out there, man.

Sounds to me like he's being unfairly targeted by people who don't have the whole story. His son, estranged wife and daughter? Sure, for their cold and callous attitudes toward everything in general, they are deserving of intense dislike.

Maybe TERRY BOLLEA is a less-than-admirable person...but let's learn to separate the character from the man who portrays, it, shall we? "Hulk Hogan" did nothing wrong...Terry Bollea has the issues here.

Malibu Sands said...

Sheldon (Benjamin, perhaps), we here at Arabian Facebuster equally despise both Terry Bollea the person and Hulk Hogan the performer. Sounds likes you have little disagreement with us about the former.

And we will gladly continue to marshal evidence in the hopes of changing your mind about the latter. Although I've got to say that I think the preponderance of evidence favors the prosecution, although we don't know anything about yr professional wrestling fandom and inclinations (mine are certainly out there for all to see).

For the record, I've been hating Hulk Hogan long before Nick Hogan's car accident, Brooke Hogan's singing career, Hogan Knows Best, the NWO, and actually even before his battles with the Dungeon of Doom so marvelously detailed (IMNSO on this site).

And no disagreement with you that partial blame rests with John Graziano for his actions and decisions that night.

One nit to pick, however. So having "intense dislike" towards "somebody who's never done anything to you personally" (presuming you've never had personal contact with Hogan, his family, or his sycophants) is not harsh but "hatred" (we use the term "despise," but whatevs) is. Care to further spell out the semantics? Or why one jibes with your moral compass but the other does not?

Thanks for reading and commenting.

--Malibu