Are Those New?

While an abundance of money certainly allows you to purchase the most extravagant and rarefied commodities -- a solid gold blimp, bald eagle egg omelettes, a fleet of space shuttles parked in your very own hangar constructed from the lumber of petrified redwoods, hand stitched Bengal Tiger skinned condoms -- it most certainly does not guarantee you happiness, inner peace, or fulfillment. Nor does it act as a proverbial epoxy to bond your family together in perpetuity.

Take orange hued dirigible Hulk Hogan, as but one example. He's earned millions upon millions of dollars through wrestling, merchandise, motion pictures (Suburban Commando, anyone?), a bevy of television shows, a lucrative music career, commercials, a culinary ambitious trattoria, a foul tasting energy drink, and whoring out his offspring...all of it executed in the most middling, uninspiring, nonthreatening manner possible in order to resonate with the lowest common denominators in our society. However, all of that wealth could not keep his wife from filing for divorce. Nor did it prevent his idiot son from recklessly operating a motor vehicle and needlessly putting his (now former, I'm sure) best friend's life in jeopardy.

Nor can money purchase the unconditional and genuine love of your only daughter. But it can buy her a jumbo sized rack! Brooke Hogan was spotted at the beach a couple of weeks back catching some rays and frolicking in the surf as part of the launch party for her new chest. Thankfully, the paparazzi were on hand to capture the proceedings.

Adjectives like "perky," "bouncy," "spunky," and "frisky" fail to do justice in describing the euphoric and energetic temperament of these pups. Brooke's newly affixed breasts appear to be inflated with the same volume of helium required to blow up the aforementioned solid gold blimp. Most importantly, they are sure to really bring out the luminescence and iridescence in her cubic zirconium encrusted grill.