Monday, January 26, 2009

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

Giant Gonzalez (WWF) aka El Gigante (Double U See Double U). The mullet being grabbed appears to belong to either Jim Powers or Barry Horowitz during a rare run as a babyface jobber.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Reason #14 to Admire the U.S. Penal System

For nine months, it kept Nick Hogan out of sight, out of mind, and attired in a gray (or perhaps it was orange) jumpsuit instead of the thugged out circus clown with a severe learning disability disqualifying of gainful employment in a non-carny related vocation look he is rocking so dumbfoundedly in the photo above.

At least he doesn't look as ridiculous as his father.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

John Nord and his various incarnations...Nord The Barbarian, Yukon John of the The Lumberjacks tag team fame (honorable mention goes to his partner Scott "Flap Jack" Norton), The Viking (pictured here) and of course The Berzerker (husk, husk!!!).

Friday, January 16, 2009

Reason #1 to Admire Killer Khan

It has been brought to my attention that vitriol and seething contempt leveled in the direction of a certain lacquery, leathery skinned cretin with an affinity for using his silicon enhanced, intellectually listless daughter to visually illustrate to this country's kindergartners and middle managers obligated to complete eight hours of sexual harassment training by their employer the difference between a "good touch," a "bad touch," and an "extended incestuous grope" has dropped off appreciably.

This ceasing and desisting is both intentional and voluntary. Sorry, I'm not going to besmirch Hulk Hogan's already tarnished reputation or those of his dysfunctional family and parasitic friends any longer. My friends, in 2009, you're going to be getting a kinder, gentler Facebuster. Instead of begrudging Hulk Hogan for being a complete, utter, and spectacular failure as a husband, father, professional wrestling tactician, and towel wave ambassador, Arabian Facebuster will instead be extolling the virtues and singing the praises of those who contribute to exposing Hulk Hogan for the worthless piece of garbage that he is.

So click here and we can get started with this dispositional transformation.

In addition to the green mist spewing prowess of Killer Khan, Mr. Fuji's incoherent yet sinister mutterings and whoever in the WWF wardrobe department was inspired to fit Jake Roberts for the Miami Vice garb as he pounded down -- judging by his slurred speech and glazed eyes -- about thirteen scotch n' sodas also warrant yr adulation and reverence.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

The Warlord.

Honorable mention this week goes out to The Sandman, whose alcoholic inebriation, laziness, and decrepit physical condition helped to produce probably the most unentertaining, incompetent, and crowd agitating/irritating performance that the First Avenue mainroom has hosted since a Collective Soul/Seven Mary Three double bill in the mid-1990s.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Glen Goza: Proud of Mailbu Sands*

Why the provocatively titled post, you may be wondering. Because tonight I'm going to rasslin. That's right, going to rasslin! In honor of the occasion, I've created my own lyrics to this timeless classic:

Cheering Freddie Blassie as he nails a pencil neck geek with his cane, that's rasslin'. Watching the toxic shock syndrome warp Mike Von Erich's brain, that's rasslin. Taking in The Sandman's dated shtick before he gets arraigned, that's rasslin.

That's right...yours truly Malibu Sands will heading down to the legendary First Avenue Mainroom (site of my first and last Juliana Hatfield Three concert) and congregating with the upper Midwest's birth defects and D&D gaming communities for an evening of blown spots, lame gimmicks, and $7 Sierra Nevada bombers. Yes, these are the all too familiar trappings and artifacts of an indy rasslin' show!

And what a card the promoters have assembled for tonight! It's like TNA's Genesis, Destination X, and Sacrifice, and all rolled into one (aka Bound for Glory). Scheduled to appear tonight are garbage sensation and notorious glassware chucker The Sandman, local talentless yokel Horace the Psychopath (not to be confused with the nationally renowned talentless yokel Horace Hogan), the chronically underemployed Arik Cannon along with a bunch of other aspirant steroid abusing and painkiller addicted degenerates whose names are unfamiliar to me.

Per Facebuster tradition and obligation, a detailed recap of what memories remain after gulping down about $50 worth of intoxicating beverages will be submitted for your reading pleasure sometime next week.

R-A-S-S-L-I-N that's rasslin! R-A-S-S-L-I-N that's rasslin!

*The title of the post makes the assumption that Glen Goza is alive. In fact I have no idea if this John Williams of professional wrestling related songcraft still walks among us or if he has joined Rocky Mountain Thunder** in that great big hobo camp in the sky.

**Arabian Facebuster is not legally liable for misreporting any facts pertaining to Rocky Mountain Thunder's whereabouts, hobbies, life status, or wrestling acumen.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant.*

Have mercy, indeed.

* I can't honestly comment on the entire body of the Handsome One's in-ring output -- who knows, his tag team work with his "brothers" Johnny and Jerry Valiant in the 1970s might actually be watchable for all I know -- so for purposes of clarity, the period of awful I am citing encapsulates his 1983-1987 run in the Mid Atlantic territory/Jim Crockett Promotions and his cup of coffee with the AWA in 1988 (as well as, IIRC, a stint in the USWA and/or Global promotion(s) following his departure from the wrestling association that Hairy Larry, Rocky Mountain Thunder, Soldat Ustinov, and #1 babyface "Rambo" Greg Gagne [video footage coming soon] destroyed built).

Saturday, January 03, 2009

"Because Everybody's Doing it"

Cheers vs. Jeers!!! 2008 Special Edition!!!

Good to see us all gathered round the proverbial table of interwebs again! So without further ado- Now is the time to give that which our dearly beloved Reader(s?) have craved for for so long....

Cheers vs. Jeers!!! 2008 Special Edition!!!

That's right fans, this is what its all about...So sharpen your knives and order your baseball cards from the QVC, 'cause It is, as they say, ON...

Ahem. The Categories, if you please:

+Cheers to the top 10 Greatest Free Macanudo Moments of 2008!
+Cheers to the 1st. Time that you realized Larry Nelson is reading your online  Blogrotica dedicated to his whiskery whiskey soaked visage!
+Cheers to the Jizz Rag (still hanging in there at # 3 in a recent Google search!)!
+Cheers to Leighsus Christ!
-Jeers to "Coming Soon" coming too soon.
-Jeers to Last Call "That's Bullshit" High School Reunion Night Mid-Thirties-Shilo-
   Inn-Party- Party- Girls.
-Jeers to This
-Jeers to Leighsus Christ.

Oh and Also:
+Cheers to Betting on Professional Wrestling!
-Jeers to not Winning.