Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Monday, June 21, 2010

Yr Old Skool '70s Grappler of the Week

Anti-suicide crusader and United States Heavyweight Champion Black Jack Mulligan.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Fireball Friday!

Facebuster Nation: In order to get yr weekend ignited, here's a triplicate of dastardly fireball attacks by the one n' only "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert during his various stints in the Memphis territory/CWA-USWA promotion during the late 1980s and early 1990s.

First up, Eddie Gilbert sets ablaze the ugly mug of promoter/booker Randy Hales.

Next, Gilbert interjects himself in a matchup between that diabolical masked Rock and/or Roll Phantom (huh?) and local yokel jobber Todd Johnson (who?), in order to put these lugs, the studio audience, and all of us out of misery via a misplaced conflagration followed by an outraged yet determined redneck babyface promo!!!

Lastly, Gilbert gets a taste of his own flaming medicine at the hands of rival fire starter Jerry Lawler.

Scott Hall: Thx 4 the Memories

With all of the ongoing hullabaloo and fooferall surrounding the termination of Danielson Bryanson due to his insubordination in the ongoing Disneyfacation of Vince McMahon's already exceedingly sanitized and watered down interpretation of professional rasslin', the future endeavoring of a certain drink, horribly out of shape, tag team title co-holding "Bad Guy" sort of floated underneath the radar this week:

According to reports, TNA made the call to part ways with Scott Hall and he was written out of the story line at this week’s Impact tapings.

Hall, who was arrested last month on charges of disorderly intoxication and resisting arrest in Florida, reportedly was working on a per-appearance basis with TNA.

Before washing Scott Hall's most recent run of mediocre distinction from the collective consciousness of The Facebuster Nation, let us take an AWA style VERY SPECIAL LOOK as a bloated Hall and his STD infected and infested lil' buddy Syxxx Pac put the boots to The Band/The Banned/NWO Wolfpac patriarch and future Grecian Formula pitchman Kevin Nash in a most lackluster and unconvincing fashion while the deformities inhabiting The Impact Zone watch with indifference and in complete silence. Eric Young aka E Y hits the ring to try and put an end to the double team and save the segment from total collapse and, albeit to no avail.

My God -- Hall, Nash, Waltman, Young, Tenay, Tazz, and TNA! sure are a pathetic lot.

A final maxim to Scott Hall before he drinks himself to death: When the goin' gets tough, the tough get goin.'

Monday, June 14, 2010

Saturday, June 12, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: The Future Endeavoring of...

...Danielson Bryanson!?!?!? Huh?!?!

After delivering probably the most talked about angle in the last 1/2 decade in the company on last Monday's night episode of RAW, it looks like the Titan Towers front office dip sticks have decided to part ways with one of the principles in said angle and the most technically proficient and fundamentally sound worker in the NXT Posse.

Quoth Da Meltz and Da Chico:

The people who needed to know were told that Bryan Danielson was fired for choking ring announcer Justin Roberts with his tie during the angle on Monday night. That shot was edited from replays of the show. It's not known why this would lead to someone getting fired and from all accounts, Danielson was described as the type of person you want a dressing room filled with.

The choking with a tie was described as being too violent for what is allowed on WWE television.

This is got to be the most elaborate work of the fan base and the company's rank-n-file employees in the history of sportz entertainment? They can't be serious that a too violent/realistic tie choke is grounds for immediate termination.

Hopefully Buck Rock and Roll Zumhofe can provide some perspective and equanimity to this situation.

If this is in fact the case, here's hoping TNA! gets its head out of its ass and signs Danielson and books him in a extended program with Samoa Joe ASAP.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Rocky Mountain Thunder: That's Some Kind of Scufflin'

Seeing as how we are about 6 and 1/2 months out from the self-inflicted demise of Arabian Facebuster, it's about time that we resume anthologizing the magnificent albeit scant output of Colorado’s America's finest poorly conditioned and hairy shouldered athlete -- Rocky Mountain Thunder.

Tonight's citation rich mat masterpiece features RMT up against the singlet adorned Mike Richards...a Ragin' Bull Manny Fernandez equivalent within some kind of jobber parallel universe. The usual trio of idiots -- Nelson, Trongard, and Marshall -- handle the coked up and unlaundered tuxedo ring announcing, shit canned and repeating the height, weight, and/or hometown of the principle scufflers play by play analysis, and hyperbolic and feathered mullet color commentary, respectively.

As expected, RMT makes short work of Richards with his usual limited set of punch-head lock-body slam-hip toss-back drop maneuvers, nearly crippling the hapless jobber during the abbreviated and botch filled scufflin'. Most significant about this clip is the fact that Lee Marshall actually addresses the elephant in the Las Vegas Showboat Sports Pavilion by stating the obvious...that Rocky Mountain Thunder, and I quote, "really doesn't know how to wrestle."

Please also file this post under the following headings: (1) Lee Marshall: 's Gotta Find Out What's In That Bag; (2) Rocky Mountain Thunder: Just a Big Ol' Mountain Man (Yeah!); (3) Rocky Mountain Thunder: Surprised He's Gettin' Paid; (4) Rocky Mountain Thunder: Big Ol' Barefoot Boy; (5) Rocky Mountain Thunder: Fabulous, Fabulous Story; (6) Luvin' Rocky Mountain Thunder: You Can't Help But..; and (7) Rocky Mountain Thunder: He Is Amazing!!!

He sure is, Lee Marshall.

He sure is.

Buck Zumhofe: Prattles On and On and On and...

TGIF Facebuster Nation!

To kick off what's sure to be a sun drenched, Bud Light Chelada soaked, and cabin fatty filled June weekend, I thought it appropriate that we hear from Buck Rock and/or Roll Zumhofe via You Too about (a) his summer plans thus far -- specifically his total lack thereof -- for himself and the midgets, green "giants," and meth addicted ladies gainfully employed under his fledgling and no doubt mismanaged and strapped for cash "Rock n Roll Wrestling" enterprise; (b) his passion outside of/aside from promoting and refereeing matches between a midget and the local town whore in a friggin' cow pasture -- namely, begging and bothering others for their deceased family members' or deadbeat husbands' gently worn neckties like the fancy garden variety tied about 2" too short navy blue number he is proudly sporting in this clip; (c) judging by the living room accouterments, his blatant disregard of his father's sagacious and prophetic advice to save his money; (d) his near five year struggle to amass $129.95 in order to purchase an unremarkable championship belt to be awarded to the winner of a match between the rassle troupe's allegedly two top workers at an unspecified date, time, and venue; and (e) how to proffer a concluding analysis on the state of Rock n' Roll Wrestling (i.e. "we're big, we're busy, we're everywhere") that systematically contradicts all previous assertions of forlorn availability.

Next week, the Rock and Roller candidly discusses his courageous battle with the twin afflictions hubris and whiskey nose.

Don'cha dare miss it.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Yr Old Skool '70s Grapplers of the Week

Like so many grapplers that preceded and followed, Superstar Billy Graham causes "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes to spill about a pint or so of his own blood. Circa 1977.

Friday, June 04, 2010

Zumhoffe & Val Venis Jr vs. Demolition

Facebuster Nation: The title of this post says it all. World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions Ax and Smash - Demolition - along with their sinister and incomprehensible manager Mr. Fuji take on determined, goofy, and completely overmatched challengers Buck Zumhofe and some thick n' full schlonged ham n' egger named Warren Bianci.

At this stage in his undistinguished career, The Rock and/or Roller must have been more accustomed to dishing out the faux punishment rather than taking it...because he is just worthless at convincingly receiving and selling Demolition's smash mouth offense.

Consider this clip of actual professional rasslin' a prequel to/teaser for Friday Night Videos...making its triumphant return to Arabian Facebuster in July.

Cabin Fatties: Get ready.

TNA Fears Watchability (In Perpetuity Edition)

Facebuster Nation, I have unearthed a single clip that encapsulates my feelings that run the gamut from indifference to ridicule to out and out contempt towards this Hulk Hogan-centric version of TNA!

This gem of a turd features: (1) Hulk Hogan doing what he does best -- holding down the younger and more credible talent that TNA! has on its roster by hogging the spotlight, making his own rules, and yammering on about who knows what with his trademark overbearing self-righteousness; (2) The company's top 40yo and younger heels crumbling at the point of impact of the Hulkster's comical and feeble right hands; (3) Ric Flair, who looks one carelessly executed comb over away from bald headed geek status, continuing to tarnish his professional wrestling legacy by delivering agitated demented old man esque promos and bumping around like a manic for Hogan, The Monster Abyss, and pretty much anybody else who wants to deliver some offensive maneuvers on the saggy body of the former champ; (4) Grunge Kind The Monster Abyss's whole Mankind meets Rocky Mountain Thunder vibe; (5) A.J. Styles doing his best post-2008 Chris Jericho impression; (6) The Hulkster's right forearm tattoo, earring, and forehead o' blood in attempt to come across as contemporary, edgy (but not too edgy!), and above all relatable to TNA's core audience of physical mutant, socially awkward, online gaming, 30+ year old virgins living in their mom's basement, (yes I realize these are overlapping and all encompassing categories); (7) A promo heavy on cliche and drivel and light on engendering a sense of surprise or anticipation.

(Do not) Enjoy.

And, for the love of God, do not open this clip up in YouToo so that you are able view the viewer comments. For they are probably even more predictable, unimaginative, trite, inarticulate, and depressing than the actual rasslin' related content.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Yr Old Skool '70s Grappler of the Week

Ray "The Crippler" Stevens, seen here bleeding from the mouth and choking out Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Based on the red/blue/red ring ropes combination, this action likely took place in the American Wrestling Association.