Hulk Hogan: Scenes From A Life, Part One

The following is an excerpt from the forthcoming major motion picture Dirigible: The Life Of Terrence Bollea, coming soon from Facebuster Pictures.

Interior Hospital, Day.We find Hulk conducting a vigil at the bedside of John Graziano.

Hulk: Come on, brother, you just gotta open your eyes, dude.

Hulk reaches out a trembling hand and pinches John on the arm, hard.

Hulk: Little dude? Little dude? Come on, brother, Nicky's counting on you!

Pinch.

Hulk: My little boy can't go to court, brother! Now listen here, dude... (pinch) you've gotta take your vitamins... (pinch) say your prayers... (pinch. A welt begins to form.) You're only as comatose as you feel, brother(pinch), and dude(pinch), brother(pinch), man(pinch), dude (pinch) what are you gonna do when pinch-a-mania runs wild on you?!

Hulk pinches John five times in rapid succession, growing more aggravated after each pinch. Finally he collapses, sprawling over John's torso.

Hulk:(weeping) Nicky, dude. What are we gonna do, brother? What are we gonna do-hoo-hoo? Little dude, my little dude, my little dude.

The force of Hulk's sobbing shakes the hospital bed. Enter Nurse.

Nurse: Mr. Bollea? What are you doing?

Hulk:(jolts upright) Nothing! Er... just trying to comfort this little Hulkamaniac, here.

Nurse: Well, he can't hear you, Mr. Bollea. All he can do is blink and get pinched (glares meaningfully at the angry welt on John's arm).

Hulk: Just a minute, sister dude! I heard this little dude's gag reflex is working!

Nurse: Sir, one of the orderlies was watching a tape of your cage match against Lex Luger. Mr. Graziano may be in a coma, but he's still human.

Hulk resumes weeping. Fade out.