Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Shaska Whatley: Bald, Black, Bad

Since the dawn of time, man has yearned to transform his arch nemesis into a BALD HEADED GEEK.

Samson lost is strength, eyesight, and freedom after having his locks snipped off by a servant of that damn jezebel Delilah.

Of even greater import in terms of Christian iconography and allegorical representation, Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie" Man had his facial hair trimmed by The Assassins and then later by Shaska Whatley, eventually culminating in Boogie's head being shaved completely bald after losing a match against their manager Paul Jones. However, The Boogie Woogie Man eventually got his revenge, cutting off Paul Jones' close cropped hair that was styled in a fashion akin to Adolph Hitler circa his invasion of Poland and persecution of the Jews and other so-called undesirables.

I can't fathom the symbolism or meaning in this tale of protracted grievance and undercard distraction either.

Vince McMahon suffered the indignity and agony of cue ballness after losing a match by proxy against Donald Trump.

Adrian Adonis had his locks clippered after his WrestleMania III defeat at the hands of Rowdy Roddy Piper by Hogan succubus Brutus Beefcake...Gino Hernandez and Chris Adams collectively lost their hair to the Von Erichs...and who could forget the shearing of Kurt Angle at the hands Edge and his SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR.

My God, the preceding paragraphs read like a who's who of the best, brightest, and baldest in the history of mankind.

The latest causality/addition to this illustrious list: CM Punk who lost the hair on his head -- but thankfully not the hair on his chest or face -- to that butterscotch midget and habitual wellness policy violator Rey Mysterio, Jr. whose last couple of years of just going through the motions, wrestling the exact same predictable, offensively limited match, and elevating/giving a rub to by my count ZERO up n' coming superstars, has made him a pariah and public enemy number two here at Arabian Facebuster.

Back to Paul Jones' Army in general and Shaska Whatley in particular. We of course all remember that plodding, dull, agonizingly drawn out hair vs. hair match on that Great American Bash 1986 tape between The Boogie Woogie Man Jimmy Valiant and Shaska Whatley, culminating in the de-'froing and humiliation of Shaska. But what is often forgotten are the goofy promos leading up to and in the aftermath of their matchup.

Until now.

The clip above features 3/4 of Paul Jones and his Army circa July 1986 (The Barbarian must have taken the day off) cutting a rather unhinged and unfocused promo on the elusively full-headed Jimmy Valiant and threatening to unleash a reign of shears and scissors related terror on the jobbers of middle America.

Yes that's goofy face maker, eventual thorn in Baron Von Raschke's side, and Larry Nelson frightener and confuser Teijo Khan in the background...making goofy faces and no doubt frightening and confusing Larry Nelson as Larry watched this clip from the comfort of his Barcalounger. Piss drunk. With a sugar bowl filled to the brim with cocaine on his coffee table...

...for medicinal purposes and usage, of course.

1 comment:

The Rev. von Fury said...

Tijo Khan: 9/10ths. of a baldheaded geek.