Rocky Mountain Thunder Meets His Match

I saw this clip via Scott Keith's site -- which makes Arabian Facebuster look like the rasslin' blog equivalent of acid washed jean jackets adorned with sequins, airbrushing, and patches of intimidatingly lettered logos of butt rock bands by comparison -- and thought that da Facebuster Nation might find this hapless attempt to put on a pro wrestling match that does not utterly expose and shame the business a real hoot.

The vortex of suck and inexactitude in question is Tom Magee, sort of a Rocky Mountain Thunder for the curly mullet-ripped physique-horse faced set. Think Lex Luger minus a medicine cabinet of hair straightening products and performance enhancing drugs. Actually, that's not really fair to The Total Package (?, The Total Package!), for Magee's tendencies and mannerisms are an amalgamation of oh so much more that is terrible and unfortunate about professional wrestling. He throws punches with all of the conviction and authenticity of Rob Van Dam. He delivers kicks like Yoshihiro Tajiri if a jelly fish had stung both of The Buzzsaw's legs. He flies through the air like the second coming of Greg Gagne. His bump taking makes Baron Von Raschke compare favorably to Shawn Michaels. He shares RMT's uncanny ability to botch even the most basic of maneuvers and be unable to grasp the simplest of wrestling concepts. And upon further reflection, he resembles Chuck Palumbo or a buffer version of World Class Championship Wrestling midcarder Steve Simpson more so than the T.P.

Why Ric Flair would blading his forehead into quite the gusher if he saw MaGee fire off those flaccid chops in the corner. On second thought, he'd probably just sit in his wheelchair and scratch himself off a few lotto tickets. Wooo!

Why the Ted Turner era NWA didn't snap Magee to be the 3rd member of the Dynamic Dudes is beyond this writer's comprehension.

This clip emanates from All Japan Wrestling, April 1988. Try to enjoy this abyssal display of professional wrestling craftsmanship.