Thursday, May 13, 2010

The American Starship: It's Coming...They're Coming!!!

Back in 1984, a very green Waylon Mercy aka Dan Spivey (before he was "Dangerous") was teamed up with a very green Razor Ramon aka Scott Hall (before he was "Big" and doing the ol' Wrestle Rock Rumble) to form a very green tag team combination branded The American Starship. To quote the catatonic David Crockett, "and what a rocket...what a ship they are!!!"

This footage is of the team's debut on the NWA's syndicated World Wide Wrestling program circa 1984. Spivey was called Eagle while Hall was known as Coyote. Their opponents, a couple of jobbers that they dismantle with ease. But the real star of this clip is Crockett, whose commentary is so vociferous, hysterical, and high pitched bordering on squealing with exhilaration that it makes this footage worthy of top tier upload status in the Facebuster's illustrious and belligerently intoxicated 4 year history.

Crockett works himself into quite a lather before, during, and even after the match. But his verbal orgasm at the 1:02 mark when Eagle and Coyote rip off their matching tight black shirts and reveal their strapping, chiseled physiques perfectly captures all of his hyperbolic, feral, frenzied, homoerotic commentating glory.

Facebuster Nation, I implore you not to play a drinking game whereupon you are forced to take a swig of Riunite, Camo Black Ice, and/or Surly Furious anytime David utters "The American Starship" or curiously pronounces "Coyote" unless you want to spend the rest of yr evening in a near blacked out stupor at Tony Jaros firing back Greenie's (as a symbolic gesture to Spivey and Hall's lumbering, rather plodding, and inexperienced nature) at a torrid pace and propositioning cabin fatties to engage in acts of "chubby copulation" or, assuming that gets kiboshed by her chinless wingwoman, "penile genuflection" at the men's room trough, followed by a impromptu trip to the E.R. via ganked taxi cab in order to get yr stomach pumped.

At least that's what happened to me last night after watching this clip for the first time.

Suggested but ultimately unselected titles for this post include: "The American Starship: Fantastic!", "Wow!!!, Look at the Build on This Guy!!!", "Ooooohhh Watch 'Em!," "Look at These Men and Think: Think About It!," "That's not a Headlock, It's a Power Vice", and "The American Starship: The Very Best in Professional Wrestling."


Pencil Neck Geek said...

"These guys are big!!!"

Yes they are, David Crockett. Yes they are.

Bunny said...

I think we're all pretty much close to coming after that...

I can't tell you how eerily similar his overtly eager introduction was to compared to my usual musings on male Korean pop idols, no really, I can't tell you how many times I've said to a friend, the EXACT quote: "they're coming ... here they are ... oooooh watch 'em! ... the one with the black hair is *insert name here* ... aaaaaarhahahahwoah, LOOK AT THAT! they just ripped their shirts off!! WOW! look at the build on this guy!"

I never thought my worlds of wrestling obsession and Korean pop hysteria would ever meet but you just made it happen. You and David Crockett, David Crockett. The man is an inspiration to fangirls everywhere.

Kind of disappointed he didn't make a comment on Scott Hall's beautiful mustache, but I suppose that might have really let the cat out the bag...

ps. Thank you for the encouragement on my blog, I endeavor to spurn the advice of universe and continue wholeheartedly with my magical thinking.