We're Still Winning!

Another week, another virtually unwatchable Smackdown!. Last week, the first five minutes of the WWE's Friday night ratings pit had me leaping off the couch in disgust, Iron City frothing over as I declared WAR on Sportz Entertainment. This week, my disgust was of a more resigned and rueful tone, as I witnessed the unveiling of a new segment on Smackdown(!): "In the VIP" with Montel Vontavius Porter.

For those of you who haven't already nodded off, this is the latest in a series of attempts to recapture the long-lost magic of "Piper's Pit," a superstar-hosted fake talk show that allows the dickish heel host to berate and then assault his guests ("The Cutting Edge" leaps easily to mind). Despite abundant evidence that the genie is long gone from this particular bottle, the WWE brain(feh!)trust trot this gimmick out on the regular whenever they desperately need to kill some time. It eats about fifteen minutes of air time, features little to no actual wrestling, and poses very little risk of injury to your already depleted roster (unless Kane or the Great Khali are involved, in which case you might end up with a manslaughter charge on your hands). It also puts your audience the fuck to sleep.

That said, "In The VIP" was even worse than I could have predicted. Check out the picture above: yes, that's MVP, Matt Hardy, and Chris Masters together in one ring. Oofah. It looks like they're fighting over which one of them gets to have a personality this week. This segment made Bobby Lashley look animated.

Good news for the Facebuster Nation, though. Any company that willingly spreads this dross on the airwaves is clearly clutching at straws. Only one week into the war, and our enemies are already acting hunted and desperate. Hell, Saturday Night's Main Event is on tonight, and that never goes well. I predict another will-sapping ratings nightmare for th' WWE.

Unless, of course, Big Daddy V pledges his troth to CM Punk during the tag match.