Tuesday Night Titan

Here at Arabian Facebuster, the volume of unsolicited correspondence, fan mail, and packages (typically containing a decidedly naughty photo of some young lovely along with a pair of skimpy panties), we receive is staggering. Rather than applying to the US Postal Service for our own zip code, we instead have retained an intern who is responsible for wading through the old Arabian Facebuster mail sack (actually, its a Glad Trash Bag autographed by Tom Bosley), along with tidying up around corporate headquarters (aka the hood of Pencil Neck Geek's Jeep Cherokee), transcribing all thirteen episodes of of Wrestle Society X by crayon, painstakingly restaging the entire 60 minute Iron Man match between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels at Wrestle Mania XII through claymation, and going on a twice-a-day run to the local 'hood mart for pork rinds and Camo Black Ice (the official malted beverage of the Arabian Facebuster Nation).

I think his name his Skippy. Wait. Or is it Chip? I'm pretty sure its Chip.

Regardless, our otherwise well mannered intern barged into the mothership this morning, urgently bringing to my attention that a great number of you are opining for more content and perspective on Big Daddy V, the perturbed looking, droopy breasted Star Trek fan cum sports entertainer pictured above. So many pertinent questions submitted in the past 24 hours from our readership: What is BDV's most significant contribution to the contemporary professional wrestling landscape? Will BDV get a run with the ECW Title, or at least become the new face of the Sci Fi network? If the government commissioned BDV's cavity as a water tower to buttress the nation's water supply system, how many fluid ounces would he have the capacity to hold? Did BDV's sun and moon tattoos originally sit on his shoulders? My wife's birthday is coming up and I need to get her a gift; when are BDV moo-moo's going to be available for purchase at WWE Shopzone?

Allow me to take a stab at the first question...

In his brief tenure to date with the ECW brand, Big Daddy V has revitalized the uncompetitive squash match (versus the more common semi-competitive squash, easily identifiable by the mere presence of Val Venis, Balls Mahoney, or Eugene in the ring) as both a noble and cathartic element of contemporary professional wrestling programming. The care and concern he has brought to the squash is on par with the passion and meticulousness Randy Orton has devoted to the subtle art of gym bag defecation. However, this is not to say that BDV was solely responsible for this paradigm shift. Far from it. For every offensive maneuver in BDV's arsenal (for those keeping track, those would be a fall away slam, bear hug, and a big splash in the corner) there is a John Q. Dirtbag or Joe P. Trailerpark on the receiving end, maximizing its impact and enhancing its perceived devastation. Their commitment to and proficiency at their craft, along with with BDV's vision and wherewithal, deserve equal credit for driving this resurgence.

That concludes my thoroughly marinated Big Daddy V take for this week. Until next time Facebusterites, keep sending in those cards, letters, and unmentionables! With an intern on board, we estimate that our response rate will increase by a not insignificant unit of 1/2 of 1%! And Chip, if you're reading this, get your ass to the Plaid Pantry post haste! We're all out of Camo Black Ice...again.