These Are Our Demands...

While the epic conflict between yr beloved Arabian Facebuster and the despicable monolith that is World Wrestling Entertainment is naught but forty-eight hours old, and while our offensive maneuvers to date have consisted of merely announcing that said maneuvers are forthcoming, AND while all we've been up to is listening to old Dictators records and drinking Camo Black Ice and trying to decide what offensive maneuvers, exactly, we feel like making, there are already cowardly tremblings within Titan Towers. Rumor has it that some members of the double-double E inner circle have already had enough, and are desperate to reach some sort of accord with the mighty Facebuster Nation. "Apollo," they cry, "What sacrifice will appease you? What can we do to end this damnable war?"

Let it never be said that the editorial staff of Arabian Facebuster are unreasonable men. Please, gentle reader, click "play" on the above embedded Youtube clip, and let the sweet strains of Fugazi's "Reclamation" wash over you as you peruse our Official WWE Surrender Wishlist. Turn off your TV, indeed...

Arabian Facebuster will end its state of WAR against the WWE corporation when at least three of the following demands are met:

1. Fire good ol' JR and replace him with Juicy J of the rap group Three 6 Mafia.
2. Turn Viscera gay.
3. Terminate the contracts of at least three of the following: John Cena, The Great Khali, Christopher F. Masters, Jerry "Jerome" Lawler, Montel Vontavius Porter, Deuce, Domino, Batista, John "Hardcore" Holly, Mark Henry, Boogeyman, or Kevin Thorn.
4. Terminate the contract of The Miz. If he is publicly executed, we will waive one additional demand.
5. The same goes for Michael Cole.
6. Name Vince McMahon's bastard child after at least two Arabian Facebuster staffers. (Yes, we know it's supposed to be a WWE Superstar. Whatever. Like Marcus Cor Von wouldn't be a million times cooler if he were named Apollo Malibu Pencilneck Von Fury.)
7. Replace ECW on Sci-Fi with a "best of" program culled from the entire WWE/WCW/ECW tape archive. This program will be curated by one Malibu Sands.
8. Bring back RVD. And use him right this time, you stupid pricks.
9. Allow Umaga to speak like a goddamn educated-ass man, instead of a bullshit racist throwback.
10. Fix Snitsky's teeth.

That should do it for now. Further demands added as we think of them. More will be required once we really start winning.