This Means War.

I'm so angry I can barely see to type this. I'm not even ten minutes into my tape of last night's Smackdown! and that gibbering pissant Michael Cole, falling all over himself in excitement over Khali's new offensive maneuver (bringing the grand total to three moves and bringing him perilously close to exceeding the technical acumen of one Big (Gay) Daddy V), compared the ineffectual stumblebum at left to both Harley Race and (wait for it) BRUISER FUCKING BRODY.

Of course you know, this means war.

Bad enough that Bruiser Brody is probably my favorite wrestler. Worse that the move that started this dangerously irresponsible round of hyperbole was performed on the legendary Ric Flair (Malibu's favorite wrestler). Even worse that this fucking chief is using a CLAW, as popularized by Killer Kowalski, making this an assault not just on credibility, good taste, and common sense, but also on POLISH-AMERICANS EVERYWHERE by ripping off one of our few legit cultural icons (Casimir Pulaski and Copernicus being the other Big Two). The real kicker, in terms of offensive pseudo-irony, is that Brody is famous (in large part) for being MURDERED for refusing to job to an inferior opponent, while Khali is famous (entirely) for KILLING A GUY because Khali is an inferior opponent.

Fuck that shit. I hereby declare war on World Wrestling Entertainment. My posts will now be so venomous, so blatantly biased, so flat out mean-spirited and ugly that strong men will blanch. I will relent only when the double-double submits to my demands (to follow in tomorrow's post). You hear me, Vince? You, Johnny Ace, and the rest of the rat fuckers are ON NOTICE.

By way of a closing argument, I submit the following footage. First, the Great Khali versus some other Giant Shitbag jerking curtains in Japan:



Second, the Immortal Bruiser Brody versus Abdullah the Butcher, number 759 in an infinite series of classic matches:



Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.