Reason #3 to Despise Hulk Hogan

He pouts like a little bitch whenever faced with adversity.

In the history of embarrassing and downright awful sports entertainment angles, the whole Kevin Sullivan/Dungeon of Doom vs. Orange Hued Melanoma Ridden Leg Dropping Dirigible clusterfuck takes home the Facebustery for the most prolonged, far-fetched, and fan-base intelligence insulting in the postmodern (post 1989) era of wrestling.

Instead of offering a paragraph previewing the tomfoolery above, instead permit me to put this clip in context and then offer a chronological analysis.

The premise is this...the Hulkster, surrounded by a legion of adoring fans seventeen village idiots, gives an interview to lap dog Gene Okerlund on a coveted bike before being rudely interrupted by the Big Shew and his pimped out monster truck.

Onto the clip...

1 minute 56 seconds: Ugh, remember the days of Nitro when the announce team consisted of an unmotivated Bobby Heenan, overbearing Eric Bischoff, and downright unlistenable Steve "Mongo" McMichael? Me too!? Strange, as I thought the copious amount of marijuana that I smoked during the fall of 1995 (and the three years that followed) and that frontal lobotomy I got for my 30th birthday would have wiped out those memories.

1:47: Gene Okerlund looks so fucking boss in that pair of blue blockers that I'm surprised he wasn't asked to represent the brand on infomercials and at mall kiosks throughout this great land. Based on my encounter Mene Gene at a Minneapolis watering hole a few years back, I am quite certain that he is lives out his gimmick...there is no distinction whatsoever between the character on TV and the man that trolls the bars looking for a piece of under-dressed, over-served trim to take back to his dilapidated McMansion in Coon Rapids and pollinate with his love seed.

1:43: Hulk Hogan...irrefutably the greatest heavyweight champion of all time. Bawh! Next time I spot Mean Gene combing the taverns for some young floppers to rub his face in for the night, I'll be sure to accost him and provide him with plenty of evidence to the contrary.

1:31: Finally, I've discovered something the Hulkster and I have in common...arbitrarily flexing our muscles (I too like to refer to mine as "pythons") amidst a throng of screaming, middle aged, multiple fanny pack owning white people. Not surprisingly, there is an upsurge in my flexing rate whenever I fight my way through the mourners the old PastaMania! location (which I believe is now a Panda Express) to lay a wreath and pay my respects.

1:24: Brother! He said Brother! Don't get the Hulkster started on saying "Brother!" For when it rains "Brother!" it pours "Brother!" $20 on him uttering another "Brother!" or perhaps a "Look here, Dude!" within the next 30 seconds. Who wants some action, Brother?!

1:09: Is he referring to the Confederate flag?

1:05 "Dungeon of Goons?" Oh snap! Kevin Sullivan, you just got served, son.

1:04: There it is, two "Brothers!" in rapid succession! Now we need a "Look here, Dude." Wait for it...wait for it.

:47: What a senseless tragedy. Hogan was only two more installments away from having that motorcycle completely paid off.

:44: The Hulkster is so irate that he appears to have lost control of bowels. Like gutter punk icon GG Alin, Hogan is seemingly taking a crap from an upright position. Or maybe that's just his standard facial contortion whenever the director instructs him to look "exasperated."

:27: Good thing the Big Shew's monster truck makes that "beeping noise" when in reverse. In the WCW, safety comes first (while compelling storylines come fourth, right behind camera time for Eric Bischoff and making sure that Hogan's buddies are all in high-profile feuds/spots and put over strongly on TV).

:17: Based upon Shew's facial contortions, it appears that he is receiving "road head" during the filming of this vignette.

:12: I don't think we're getting a "Look here, Dude!"

:05: If only Hogan had a stepladder handy so he could climb up to the window and give Shew an unconvincing right hand to the head instead of girlishly flailing away at the side of Shew's monster truck.

:04: No, Hulkster, you are the one that is out of your mind...for being an accomplice in booking this garbage.

Alright, that's enough Hulk Hogan fodder for tonight. Time to go out drinking, in search of "Mean" Gene Okerlund.