Thursday, February 08, 2007

Wrestling Society X: You Guys Are Doomed

So, what did the second thrill-packed episode of WSX teach us? It taught us that announcers (question mark) Bret Ernst and Kris Kloss plan to spend the entire season being eclipsed by their own musical guests. Already, Zakk Wylde has shown great potential as a play-by-play man, and the gentleman pictured above (Juicy J, from Oscar Recipients Three 6 Mafia) demonstrated Tuesday Night that he is our sport's greatest color commentator. Check the science: "That little skinny dude can move like a noodle, man." "Tap dance shoes whup my ass." "Mumble gwah humaha bummah, nahmean?" Let's see Jerry Lawler try THAT.

We also learned that, yes, Fabian Kaelin can get MORE annoying. His shouting and skanking have reached near-terminal levels. Someone needs to stab that creep in the gizzard. Not that I advocate violence against public figures or anything. I'm just saying.

We also learned that it's possible for all this hyper-kinetic snap-edited METAL!!! extremism to be really boring. Episode two featured (arguably) WSX's first two lame matches. Number one was the comedy-wrestling jackassery of That 70's Team vs. the personality-free internationalism of Team Dragon Gate. No thrills, no chuckles, just snores.

Lame Match number two, sadly, was also WSX's first title match. Vampiro vs. 6-Pac was about as bad as it gets. Two has-beens gulping for air at the five-minute mark of a seven-minute match? Check. Meaningless table spots crowbarred into the match for added "extremity"? Check. Bullshit exploding box (okay, okay, it was a coffin) finish? CHECKEROO. Factor in a total lack of ring psychology, intensity, or gravitas, and you've got a big fat NOTHING. (Insert Vampiro tummy joke? Better not.)

Oh, and we learned that falls count anywhere in WSX. Who knew?

1 comment:

Malibu Sands said...

That 70s team? Is Vince Russo booking for this promotion as well?