Simply Stated

Highlights of 1984 Ric Flair conducting a wrestling clinic on an unfortunately trunked jobber (that bears quite the resemblance to Dick Slater for not being Dick Slater) over Scandal's "The Warrior."

You're welcome.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (Mid Atlantic Edition)

Tiger Conway, Jr. Not pictured, the water bed, strobe light, hi-fi sound system, or wet bar.

Prescient Observations from an Angry White Guy

Bill Watts is many things. Former professional rasslin' hoss. Owner of the Mid South Sports territory (later of course renamed the Universal Wrestling Federation). Self described cowboy. Proud American. Patriotic American. God loving and fearing American. Xenophobic American. White American. Male American. Angry American.

VERY ANGRY American.

VERY VERY ANGRY American.

So what exactly is Bill Watts all irate about? Everything. Terrorism. Crooked politicians. The economy. Globalization. Foreign exports. Emigration. The promise of the non Dusty Rhodes version of The American Dream deferred and in many cases unfulfilled. General Skandor Akbar. The guy's like a freaking one man Tea Party, albeit without clothing (made in Vietnam) garishly decorated with American flags, the virulent bordering on seditious anti-Obama rhetoric, or round-the-clock coverage from the provocateurs, flame throwas, kowtowers, and alternative reality generators masquerading as journalists on FOX News.

But what really gnaws at Bill Watts' ten gallon cowboy hat covered craw...Russians. Specifically, Russians who hold six man world tag team championships.

God damn right.

Bill Watts is mad is hell and he isn't going to take it any more. If he can't take this country back and return it to its former mythic glory, then he is damn sure going to do the next best thing, kick some steroid injected Commie ass and reclaim those six man titles for America.

Give 'em hell Cowboy Bill Watts.

Give 'em hell.

Please also file this post and Bill Watts' livid rant and impassioned call to action under Why We Watch, Exhibit N.2

Baron Von Raschke: Demented Old Man

I urge you to watch this brief clip above of Baron Von Raschke threatening revenge and bodily harm on The Sheik's depleted, blubbering, and absolutely hilarious "army" of Soldat Ustinov and Teijo Khan. And just to make sure yr critical listening, comprehension, retention, and analytic skills are up to snuff, go ahead and respond to the question below.

Which of the following statements is untrue:
(a) Baron Von Raschke's loathes spendthrifts.
(b) The Baron's mustache makes him look like a child molester, or at least an avid collector and ravenous consumer of kiddie porn.
(c) Minnesota Twin great Kent Hrbek has never heard of Baron Von Raschke and would appreciate it if he stopped inferring that he did.
(d) Baron Von Raschke does not acutally have any tag team partners lined up.
(e) I would rather listen to the sound of nails scraping a blackboard for hours at a time than having to endure another 5 seconds of The Baron "sing" excerpts from "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."
(f) The AWA is the major league of professional wrestling.

Tony Bourne + Luna Vachon = RIP

"Tough" Tony Borne, father of Doink The Clown and legendary Pac NW grappler has died. In the photo above, that's him on the right and Moondog Mayne on the left.

Obit courtesy of WO:

Anthony Osborne aka Tough Tony Borne passed away this morning at his home at the age of 83.

Borne, the father of Matt Borne aka Doink the Clown, had been in poor health of late and passed away just as his son was leaving the house to go on a flight in Dallas.

Tony Borne was an international wrestling star, most famous in the Pacific Northwest as one of the area's all-time legends. The late 60s tag team of Tough Tony Borne & Lonnie Mayne (before he became known as Moondog Mayne) was probably considered the greatest in the history of wrestling in that area. The pair held the Pacific Northwest tag team title 11 times.

Borne also had great success as a small heel in Texas and was one of the most successful American wrestlers to ever work in Mexico.

After his career as a full-time wrestler ended by the early 70s, Borne was well known running a real estate business out of Milwaukie, OR. For a short period of time, he was also the father-in-law of Buddy Rose.

Also found dead today and under more mysterious and suspicious circumstances: Luna Vachon.

Richie Rouge: Could Probably Crush an Apple with His Bare Hands (If He Tried Really, Really Hard)

When I think about the most entertaining talkers, interviewees, and promo men in the history of the professional rasslin' business, several names immediately spring to mind: Jim Cornette,"Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Double A Arn Anderson, "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, Dick Murdoch, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Rock...

...and of course the IPW's resident wordsmith Jumpin' Jeff Farmer.

Another man who deserves to be included in the conversation: Richie Rouge.

Lex Luger, eat yr heart out. For Richie Rouge is truly "The Total Package." He has the look (by look, of course, I am referring to his keyboard player in an '80s synth-pop band atheistic), the Southern charm, the down home and common sense values, a sensible, cordial, and affable temperament, the steely resolve and unwavering purpose, and can talk circles around his foes -- like Bulldozer -- with his homespun, sophistic colloquialisms and idioms.

He truly is a man to be respected. As opposed to that big stinky nasty wart infested Bulldozer.

After watching this clip, I know what yr thinkin' Facebuster Nation: "Doggonit Malibu, Richie Rouge is the most courageous and determined babyface in the IPW."

Fair enough Facebuster Nation. But I implore you, DO NOT share that sentiment with this man...

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (Portland Edition)

Portland wrestling mainstay and part territory owner Dutch Savage chokes a bitch (Lonnie "Moondog" Mayne). Photo presumably snapped in the late 1960s/early 1970s.

Skandor Akbar RIP

Facebuster Nation: While I was out honkey tonkin' at Arabian Facebuster's Fourth and One-Half Annual Staff Conference and Fan Conclave, General Skandor Akbar, the mastermind behind the Devastation Incorporated stable that terrorized babyfaces in the World Class and Mid South/UWF territories, passed away at age 75 from prostate cancer complications.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (Memphis Edition)

Jerry "The King" Lawler posing in front of his Slamburgers fast food hamburger stand circa 1976.

Menu here.

Reaon #182 to Despise Hulk Hogan

Following the financial services trail blazed and eventually scorched into bankruptcy by "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, scourge of the Hulk Hogan, along with his tiny shriveled orange balls tickler and recipient of wimpbuster justice Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart, have gotten themselves into the loansharking racket.

Hogan and Hart's shtick: Shilling the easy money virtues of 1800loanmart and their misleading verging on fraudulent high-interest loan products targeted at those sad saps with poor credit and/or who have little-to-no chance of making their payments on time or outright defaulting on the loan, thereby bilking them out of thousands upon thousands dollars in interest and penalties.

These two chums chumps have no idea what allowing Hulk Hogan to squat in the backseat of their Jeep hath wrought.

Hulk Hogan: The more we learn about ya, the more we realize what a steaming and foul smelling pile of excrement you really are.

Randy Bryant: Slow Healer

Wimpbuster Facebuster Nation - Life is full of certainties.

Death. Taxes. Change. Conflict and disagreement.

Oh, and that the IPW's Randy Bryant hates Bill Ash more than you.

You see, Bill Ash broke Randy Bryant's arm and his shoulder, putting Randy out of action for two years. Two long years for Randy Bryant to sit on the sidelines, stew in his angry juices, and conceive his revenge. Two years for...wait a second! Two years?!? According to this website of questionable medical pedigree and whimsical atheistic, on average it takes up to 10 weeks to heal a broken arm and only about 6 to nurse a broken shoulder back to health.

But Randy Bryant is no average man. After approximately 104 weeks spent rehabilitating his arm and shoulder and sculpting his schlong cut, he has come (back?) to the IPW with a singular and unwavering purpose -- to take Bill Ash out...

...after his tune up match against the plucky and dynamic firebrand jobber extraordinaire Robert Sebren. Sebren is a proverbial house double wide of fire, delivering some stiff and incapacitating blows to Bryant's solar plexus, culminating in two of the most powerful clotheslines that I have ever witnessed...all of it within 30 of seconds of the opening bell.

Unsurprising to all 17 of the fans in the IPW Arena/condemned chopper hangar, Bryant is able to withstand Sebren's onslaught and turn the tide, snapping off a vicious neckbreaker to take control of the matchup. A few seconds later, Bryant shows off his greatest offensive asset -- his ability to leap high into the air at a moment's notice -- snapping off a spectacular looking flying cross body, shades of the great Ricky Steamboat!!, with the tremendous impact of the maneuver putting an end to Sebren's spirited challenge.

Now that's how business is takin' care of. Bill Ash, yr goin' down'!

Wimpbusters

Jerry "The King" Lawler sings parodied lyrics over a Ray Parker Jr back beat with footage of Randy Savage making wild hand gestures, The King firing right hands at the craniums of the likes of Jimmy Hart, Andy Kaufman, and some blond woman an unidentified bikini clad lass (who is presumably not the same blond woman that Lawler lays waste to), Jimmy Valiant boogie and/or woogieying, and Lance Russell delivering impassioned plea for wimpbuster assistance interspliced throughout.

Oh, and what appears to be a cameo by shirtless homoerotic heartthrobs The New Generation at the 3:44 mark to boot!?!?

Great rasslin' vignette. Or the GREATEST RASSLIN' VIGNETTE!?!?

Watch clip. Marinate take.

Yr Old Skool Foto Foto of the Week (World Class Edition)

The Dynamic Duo...Chris Adams and Gino Hernandez...coked out of their freakin' minds.

Keith Watkins Has A Tiny, Tiny Fuse...

...and microscopic sized penis to boot, if his "I'm a small guy" assertion is accurate.

Facebusterians, I am proud to announce that August is "IPW Appreciation Month" here at Arabian Facebuster. Every Friday, we will be featuring the mega-stars of IPW doing what they do best... talkin', walkin' and grapplin'...and only as they can do it.

You want cut throat promos in the vein of Double A Arn Anderson? Well, you can start by playing the clip above.

See, promises do come true.

What's that...you say you like work rate in yr rasslin action?!? Well, I suggest you check in with us every Friday and satiate that craving. For IPW, to quote the fast talking, mush mouthed hillbilly "Dynamite" Keith Watkins, "is where the action is."

Or you could just feast yr peepers on the fast paced, high impact, five star matchup embedded just below featuring Watkins, who God gifted with Motley Cruz's hair and Jumpin' Jeff Farmer's physique (alternatively, one could describe Watkins as the hypothetical offspring from a torrid tryst involving Wild Bill Irwin and Flo from the TV show "Alice") going up against the fundamentally sound and tenacious Robert Sebren, who delivers quite the devastating clothesline to the stomach for someone who procured his ring attire at Bill Mulkey's yard sale.



Watkins versus Sebren. The irresistible force going up against the immovable object. A main event in any arena (or in this case, what appears to be the exact same helicopter hangar where World Organization Wrestling filmed their TV, only with poorer lighting and sparser attendance) in the country...

...And yr seeing it right here! In the IPW!!!