Ric Flair: Really Busy Man

Despite an ongoing contractual dispute (or if the rumors on the internets are to be believed, replace "ongoing contractual dispute" with "quit the company") with the WWE that has necessitated his (glaring) absence from the Friday night ratings juggernaut and critical darling that is Smackdown!, "Nature Boy" Ric Flair isn't sulking around the house, waiting patiently for a phone call by a contrite Vince McMahon begging him to come back, and blithely sleeping his mornings away on Apollo's Costco Camping Mats.

Far from it.

Last week, Naitch not only opened the virtual doors to his very own financial services enterprise [insert topical and hilarious joke referencing Flair owing $1M in back taxes to the IRS here] that'll slap the old figure four lock on those evasive lenders, he also delivered the command to go NASCAR Busch Series racin' at Dover Speedway in seemingly the most embarrassingly self-parodied manner possible.

What then does next week hold in store for the former sixteen time world heavyweight wrestling champion? On Monday, he'll be the keynote speaker at the Winston Salem Warthogs end of the season formal awards banquet and fan conclave. Tuesday, he'll be cutting the ribbon to proclaim the new Sonic in Hickory, NC "open." And picking up his dry cleaning.

Woooooo! Indeed.

BREAKING NEWS: Thanks for the Memories!

It looks as if CBS's pitiful entry in the celeb-reality programming sweepstakes, Secrets Talents of the Stars, has gone the way of the dodo bird, the Yugo, New Coke, the American Wrestling Association, and the last vestiges of Hulk Hogan's dignity and morality (see the post below for a more fully developed explanation). Lazily copied and pasted in full from NPR.org which takes a refreshing condescending and mocking tone in imparting the program's premature demise:

After a single episode, CBS canceled its reality show Secret Talents of the Stars. If you were among the lucky 4.6 million who tuned in, you saw an actor from Star Trek sing "On the Road Again." Clint Black did standup. The singer Mya tap-danced. And people turned away in droves. The sudden cancellation means we'll never see a future episode showing Danny Bonaduce's talent.

Alas, we will never get to witness Ric Flair's salsa dancing exploits, unless of course one of us happens to be at a night club or social function that is being graced by Flair's presence. Looks like its back to sleeping in late, spending more time with his family, consoling affable Christian zealot Mike Huckabee, and/or overseeing the expansion of his virtual financial services empire for the "Nature Boy."

As for George Takei, it looks like he'll be going back to his old job...being William Shatner's bitch.

Reaon #182 to Despise Hulk Hogan

Following the financial services trail blazed and eventually scorched into bankruptcy by "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, scourge of the Hulk Hogan, along with his tiny shriveled orange balls tickler and recipient of wimpbuster justice Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart, have gotten themselves into the loansharking racket.

Hogan and Hart's shtick: Shilling the easy money virtues of 1800loanmart and their misleading verging on fraudulent high-interest loan products targeted at those sad saps with poor credit and/or who have little-to-no chance of making their payments on time or outright defaulting on the loan, thereby bilking them out of thousands upon thousands dollars in interest and penalties.

These two chums chumps have no idea what allowing Hulk Hogan to squat in the backseat of their Jeep hath wrought.

Hulk Hogan: The more we learn about ya, the more we realize what a steaming and foul smelling pile of excrement you really are.