Friday, August 13, 2010

Randy Bryant: Slow Healer

Wimpbuster Facebuster Nation - Life is full of certainties.

Death. Taxes. Change. Conflict and disagreement.

Oh, and that the IPW's Randy Bryant hates Bill Ash more than you.

You see, Bill Ash broke Randy Bryant's arm and his shoulder, putting Randy out of action for two years. Two long years for Randy Bryant to sit on the sidelines, stew in his angry juices, and conceive his revenge. Two years for...wait a second! Two years?!? According to this website of questionable medical pedigree and whimsical atheistic, on average it takes up to 10 weeks to heal a broken arm and only about 6 to nurse a broken shoulder back to health.

But Randy Bryant is no average man. After approximately 104 weeks spent rehabilitating his arm and shoulder and sculpting his schlong cut, he has come (back?) to the IPW with a singular and unwavering purpose -- to take Bill Ash out...

...after his tune up match against the plucky and dynamic firebrand jobber extraordinaire Robert Sebren. Sebren is a proverbial house double wide of fire, delivering some stiff and incapacitating blows to Bryant's solar plexus, culminating in two of the most powerful clotheslines that I have ever witnessed...all of it within 30 of seconds of the opening bell.

Unsurprising to all 17 of the fans in the IPW Arena/condemned chopper hangar, Bryant is able to withstand Sebren's onslaught and turn the tide, snapping off a vicious neckbreaker to take control of the matchup. A few seconds later, Bryant shows off his greatest offensive asset -- his ability to leap high into the air at a moment's notice -- snapping off a spectacular looking flying cross body, shades of the great Ricky Steamboat!!, with the tremendous impact of the maneuver putting an end to Sebren's spirited challenge.

Now that's how business is takin' care of. Bill Ash, yr goin' down'!

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