Friday, September 03, 2010

Rocky Mountain Thunder: Enough is Enough is Enough

Hunter Thompson.

Mike Richards.

Kevin Collins.

Daryl Nickle.

Bill Anderson.

Mike Somani.

The Surfer.

What do these schwaggy yokels have in common...other than they are all probably dead or in prison? They've all fallen victim to the awesome scufflin' powers and spot botching prowess of Rocky Mountain Thunder.

The latest and unfortunately last jobber to meet their demise via Thunder's calloused, unwashed, miniature ax toting hands -- Krusher Krugnoff (or Krugel, as that imbecile Rod Trongard refers to him as) -- a Jim "The Anvil" Nidehart body double who looks like the sort of guy that would bang the sister of the chick he was dating. Because of this moral failing, and the fact his name sounds vaguely Russian and therefore Godless Communist in origin, I say "go get 'em, Rocky Mountain Thunder!"

Lee Marshall must have been blowing his wad at the slots or in a prostitute during this match as he is nowhere to be found. Unfortunately for the television viewing audience, ex-AWA zebra Larry Lisowski joins Trongard at the broadcast booth, lending his frivolous insights which are best characterized as "homespun Upper Midwestern drivel."

I am assuming that this match in the early part of Rocky Mountain's run based on the following observations: (1) He's wearing shoes; (2) His physical presence presents as less disheveled than usual what with his tucked in flannel shirt, combed hair, and trimmed beard; (3) The announcers speculation and preoccupation with the contents of his gunny sack; and (4) The wrestling hasn't been this sloppy, inept, or atrocious since his debut encounter with The Surfer.

In fact, the ham n' egger playing the Krugnoff/Krugel character is so concerned with/ticked off at Rocky Mountain Thunder's carelessness, he forces the referee Gary DeRusha to count him out. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the planned finish...and the animated conversation between DeRusha and Thunder during the post-match hand raising adds credence to my contention.

Per tradition, alternative post titles include: (1) Rocky Mountain Thunder: For a Guy Who Calls it Scufflin,' He Gets Pretty Rough; (2) Anyone Who Has Gotten Rocky Mountain Thunder Mad: Paid a Dear, Dear Price; (3) 337 lbs of Scufflin' = Rocky Mountain Thunder; (4) Rocky Mountain Thunder's Gunny Sack: Very Special Property; and (5) Rocky Mountain Thunder's Gunny Sack: His Pride and Joy.

This concludes The Rocky Mountain Thunder collection. Rest assured, we'll try to find a suitably talentless replacement to stem the Facebuster Nation's withdrawal and cravings over the next few months.

1 comment:

The Rev. von Fury said...

Who is to Blame, Ron Trongard?

Who is to Blame?

I personally blame that hellishly awful clothesline that opened the bout. Sheesh.