Friday, September 10, 2010

Jimmy Valiant Can't Possibly Get Any Higher

Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant ain't down in the dumps and/or severely hung over no more. Nor is he in the mood to engage the sadistic mind games that war requires. For The Boogie Woogie Man has inhaled a pile of Ricky Morton's low grade yayo and is feeling good and FLYING HIGH!!!...causing him to (1) Scream at Tony Schiavone at the top of his lungs, despite the fact that Tony is standing about 3 feet away from him; (2) Sport a neon green C0ca Cola sweatshirt and show the world that he truly is a slave to fashion; (3) Grow a three toned (blond, brown n' gray)!!! beard to the precipice of unmanageability; (4) Hand Tony a key to the Boogie City AKA the detox facility where Valiant will need to be placed if he doesn't start to come down off this high pretty soon; (5) Engender a predilection to walk across the street, greet his fans, shake their hands, and gank their hard earned baggies of powder right from under their noses; and (6) Mistake Tony's mouth for a hooker's glory hole.

I think we've just witnessed the actualization of The Boogie Man Jam.

1 comment:

Pencil Neck Geek said...

Amazing! Clearly the Boogie Woogie Man had snorted enough blow to knock an entire club full of Portland hipsters dead (most of whom would no doubt consider his neon Coca Cola shirt the height of ironic fashion these days).

Boogie Man Jam, indeed!