Friday, September 17, 2010


  • Sign of the Apocalypse: On my way home from long day at Tully Blanchard Enterprises Incorporated corporate headquarters yesterday, I noticed a billboard featuring Hulk Hogan sack wrangler and waddling tub of goo Brian Knobbs in full on Nasty Boys regalia, obnoxious spiked mullet hair, and Billy Idol sneer endorsing the ambulance chasing network of legal and medical hacks pimped out through 1-800-ASK-GARY. I am presuming that Knobbs' tag team partner Jerry Saggs was unavailable for the photo shoot or had ethical concerns with the 1-800-ASK-GARY business model. Occam's razor: Brian Knobbs is just too fat to allow anybody else -- be it Saggs, Hulk Hogan, or even manager Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart -- to fit onto the billboard without grossly distorting their likeness.
  • Bu$ted: Bulbous Chyna lady parts feaster Sean Syxx/X-Pac Waltman was Bu$$$ted for marijuana possession at Newark Airport. Airport security discovered a joint on his person after the dumbass tried to fly without any identification (which was allegedly lost/stolen at a party the night before). After conducting a thorough patting down and humiliating and invasive full body scan, security also uncovered that X-Pac has a laughably tiny penis, thereby contributing to the corpus of X-Pac crooked bonerphone research and advancing Pencil Neck Geek's groundbreaking and traumatizing findings.
  • Reason #505 to Despise Hulk Hogan: Recently, the Roger Ebert of Arabian Facebuster, Carminson Fritzerson, sent to me a Hulk Hogan flip book sequencing the Hulkster ripping his shirt off and tossing it into the adoring throng of Hulkamanioids around ringside. My preferred flipping method: Going through the book right-to-left to (a) watch the fans reject the souvenir; and (b) force the Hulkster put his shirt back on. Thank you for the hours of entertainment and gratification!!!

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