Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Oh, Sweet Lord Jesus!!!

Get yr Hogan Family Death Pool scorecards out, Facebuster Nation, for the two front runners in our Hogan Family Death Pool sweepstakes -- Linda "Ginormous Droopy Breasts" Hogan and her 21 year old sperm donor Charlie Hill -- are be married!!!

Unlike our slacker Facebuster Sexy Action News Team, the PopEater Sexy Action News Team has got this story covered:
Hulk Hogan's former wife of two and a half decades, Linda Hogan, 50, is engaged to 21-year-old boyfriend Charlie Hill.

As Limelife points out -- in a post littered with the term "boy-toy" -- Charlie will be stepfather to Brooke Hogan, who is one year his elder. "Linda's hubby-to-be was [her son] Nick's friend before this whole relationship started. They started dating when Charlie was only 19," the blog writes. The news broke courtesy of The National Enquirer.

The two will reportedly wed next summer, aboard Linda's new yacht, named 'Alimoney' [sic].
Linda's divorce from her wrestler husband was finalized in 2009. While there's no word from the Hulkster on the couple's marriage plans, it's impossible to forget his comments to Rolling Stone

Brooke Hogan told E! satellite radio in 2008 that she was "totally freaked out" by her mother's new romance. "I personally don't like it at all or condone it, but she's my mom, so I have to show her support. I went to school with him. He was a grade under me. Me and Nick know him well."

Hulk Hogan's new leading lady, Jennifer McDaniel, is, according to some, a dead-ringer for his daughter Brooke. "Keeping the split classy, both Linda and the Hulk moved on quickly and dated wildly younger people, with Hulk getting engaged to a 36-year-old who, proving he has a type, is of course platinum blond," writes Babble. Hulk proposed to McDaniel in late 2009.

"My marriage to Linda was very toxic and very negative," Hulk told FOX News after his engagement. "Jennifer is just the opposite, she doesn't drink or get high on drugs. She doesn't watch anything negative like the news or TMZ. She doesn't read the newspaper. She always walks in the spirit of Christ, she never deviates. I can really see myself marrying this woman." last year: "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife ... I totally understand O.J. I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody's throat."
I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the copious quantities of booze and prescription drugs that these fine upstanding lovebirds will surely consume to celebrate and consummate their sham love between now and the wedding date. Apollo Spas and Ms. Bissoux, I hope you are both busy preparing yr respective Death Pool victory speeches.


Bunny said...

I write to inform you that Mr Apollo Spas and I are indeed very busy. In fact, right this moment we are bleaching each other's hair in preparation for our own sham nuptials due to take place simultaneously with Linda&Charlie's show stoppin' pill poppin' wedding party mini cruise. We are counting the days.

Me and Apollo spend many a happy hour bickering over whether we should refer to the inspirational couple as "LinLie" or "CharNda" as we raucously flick through our newspapers in tandem with TMZ & E!News blaring in the background from our his n' hers TV set.

The clocks ticking for me and Apollo. I am pressuring him to undergo an unlimited number of anti aging completely transforming cosmetic surgeries in order to create the toy boy of my dreams. If it doesn't work out then my future Charlie Hill will be being born in just 3 years from now, I can't wait.

The former Mr Bissoux has now been placed safely behind bars after making some terrifyingly unsubtle OJ Simspon references and can often be heard telling the other inmates the sickening emotional turmoil of walking the streets of our sleepy English town and to see a unfamiliar 20something(?) American peddling his bicycle and living in his 500 square foot home.

Malibu Sands said...

I was wondering what had happened to Apollo. This clears it up. Thanx!

Oh, and on the combined couple nickname, I prefer "LinLie" to "CharNda," although the former might confuse them for an Anime character...although I don't watch/own/follow/obsess over Anime so I might be way of base with my analysis.

Bunny said...

hmmmm there is a hint of Anime to it, but now you mention it don't they both seem like Street Fighter characters?

LinLie VS ChanDra, round 1 ... FIGHT!

I have now created a really disturbing mental image of Linda & Charlie cosplaying/roleplaying (i'd prefer it to the former) as ChunLi and Ryo. Damn it brain! why did I think of this?!

Malibu Sands said...

Courtesy of the Wrestling Observer site, there is a late update to this story featuring the recollections and insights of my stallion in this physically and mentally taxing Hogan Family Death Pool marathon, Nick Hogan:

"-- Nick Hogan is claiming that his mom and Charlie Hill, 21, are not, in fact, engaged. He said he was there the day on the yacht that this supposedly all went down and he heard nothing about an engagement, and when he asked Linda about it she said they were only wearing, and I quote, "promise rings"."

Bunny said...

god damn it. I'd better add 'annulment' to tomorrows Things To Do list.

Malibu Sands said...

Despite these Nick Hogan revelations and assertions, I'm not ready to redact this post yet. For Nick's credibility on matters of sex and love outside of the penal system is equivalent to Buck Zumhofe's credibility on non-midget related wrestling matters.