Friday, July 17, 2009

Coming to PDX...The 3rd Annual AFSC&FC


Facebuster nation, in deference to our country's current economic malaise that -- depending upon the economic indicators and/or the political persuasion/economic orientation of the pundits given credence -- we are either starting to turn the corner on or has no foreseeable end in sight, Arabian Facebuster has decided to dramatically scale back this year's 3rd Annual Staff Conference and Fan Conclave, August 13-15 in vivacious Portland, OR.

That means no guaranteed block of rooms at the Shilo Inn, Portland Airport. No splurging for Macanudo's or non mass produced, non specially lined canned beers. No choice of a complimentary koozie, gunny sack, or jizz rag for those early registrants. No keynote address by George "The Animal" Steele. No evening entertainment from the likes of Kamala, Glenn Goza, or Buck "Rock & Roll" Zumhofe and the bluesy riffage of his band The Buck "Rock & Roll" Zumhofe Experience. No cameo appearance by or even rebuffing phone call from The Undertaker. And most certainly no round the clock intravenous booze drip for Larry Nelson.

So what do we have? Camaraderie. The 1986 Great American Bash featuring an insomnia curing hair vs. hair match between Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant and Shaska Whatley on video cassette. The hazy memories from staff conferences and fan conclaves past to reminisce over hazily. Closely related, a couple of half-racks of Inversion IPA procured from the Rite Aid just off Lombard St. Oh, and a Hogan Family Death Pool.

You heard me, a Hogan Family Death Pool.

Much like other non-rasslin' related celebrity death pools that our staff participates in with reckless abandon and unbridled enthusiasm, we will draw a name out a Hogan family member out a hat, specifically, my blue mesh Schmidt's Beer hat which Rev. Von. Fury so graciously purchased for me during the 2 and 1/2 Annual AFSC&FC. The name you draw is your death pool entrant. There are four of us and four of them, so the math works out splendidly.

We are also awarding honorary Hogan Family Death Pool participatory status to Bunny Bissoux. She will be assigned Linda Hogan's boy toy Charlie Hill (for the sake of parity at the outset of this endeavor, I sure hope that isn't tetraethyl pyrophosphate in lil' Charlie's glass).

The winner is the Facebuster editor whose designated Hogan family member croaks first. Along with the sense of accomplishment and delight that comes with a death pool victory, he/she will also be required to compose a brief obituary and/or eulogy.

This is going to be fun!!!

Update: We're the #1 Google result for the query "Hogan Family Death Pool."

5 comments:

The Rev. von Fury said...

"Hogan Family Death Pool"? Really, we're going to have a Hogan Family Death Pool? Not just a fake Hogan Family Death Pool, but a REAL Hogan Family Death Pool? Awesome, I have always wanted to compete in a Hogan Family Death Pool! Cool!

(Number 1 with a Bullet Baby! Take that search aggregators!)

goddamdirtyhippie said...

I support this.

Malibu Sands said...

goddamdirtyhippie: Just for feeling compelled to assert yr support of this Hogan Family Death Pool endeavor, I am decreeing you honorary Death Pool participatory status. Your principle is Jennifer McDaniel (the Hulkster's Brooke Hogan clone girlfriend).

Good luck!

- Bunny Bissoux - said...

What an honor! I accept, Charlie seems to be "living fast" so we'll see if he can pull through with the "dying young"...

You were going to get a teary eyed full acceptance speech and post dedication over at chez Bissoux, I even went as far as a photobooth portrait of me in my prized, never worn, WCW Hogan baseball cap, with a thumbs up, but I've had to put all posting on hold until my hectic week is over and I finally put an end to the 38 hour marathon of being awake im currently on. so you just get this comment. I dont think I'm even making sentences anymore, but just wanted to acknowledge your kind inclusion of me and let you know I'm going to watching those Hogans (and related toy boys, daughterlookalike girlfriends etc) like a hawk.

I do worry if we are the only Hogan family death pool in existence? and should some kind of death involving suspicious circumstances arise ... we're all going down.

Malibu Sands said...

To my knowledge, we are the only HFDP in existence, at least in existence virtually.

I would expect nothing less than suspicious circumstances surrounding whichever Hogan family member that perishes first. However, all of them, Charlie and Jennifer included, need to remain in good standing amongst the living long enough for us to hold our AFSC&FC so we can do the drawing.