Friday, July 17, 2009
Coming to PDX...The 3rd Annual AFSC&FC
Facebuster nation, in deference to our country's current economic malaise that -- depending upon the economic indicators and/or the political persuasion/economic orientation of the pundits given credence -- we are either starting to turn the corner on or has no foreseeable end in sight, Arabian Facebuster has decided to dramatically scale back this year's 3rd Annual Staff Conference and Fan Conclave, August 13-15 in vivacious Portland, OR.
That means no guaranteed block of rooms at the Shilo Inn, Portland Airport. No splurging for Macanudo's or non mass produced, non specially lined canned beers. No choice of a complimentary koozie, gunny sack, or jizz rag for those early registrants. No keynote address by George "The Animal" Steele. No evening entertainment from the likes of Kamala, Glenn Goza, or Buck "Rock & Roll" Zumhofe and the bluesy riffage of his band The Buck "Rock & Roll" Zumhofe Experience. No cameo appearance by or even rebuffing phone call from The Undertaker. And most certainly no round the clock intravenous booze drip for Larry Nelson.
So what do we have? Camaraderie. The 1986 Great American Bash featuring an insomnia curing hair vs. hair match between Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant and Shaska Whatley on video cassette. The hazy memories from staff conferences and fan conclaves past to reminisce over hazily. Closely related, a couple of half-racks of Inversion IPA procured from the Rite Aid just off Lombard St. Oh, and a Hogan Family Death Pool.
You heard me, a Hogan Family Death Pool.
Much like other non-rasslin' related celebrity death pools that our staff participates in with reckless abandon and unbridled enthusiasm, we will draw a name out a Hogan family member out a hat, specifically, my blue mesh Schmidt's Beer hat which Rev. Von. Fury so graciously purchased for me during the 2 and 1/2 Annual AFSC&FC. The name you draw is your death pool entrant. There are four of us and four of them, so the math works out splendidly.
We are also awarding honorary Hogan Family Death Pool participatory status to Bunny Bissoux. She will be assigned Linda Hogan's boy toy Charlie Hill (for the sake of parity at the outset of this endeavor, I sure hope that isn't tetraethyl pyrophosphate in lil' Charlie's glass).
The winner is the Facebuster editor whose designated Hogan family member croaks first. Along with the sense of accomplishment and delight that comes with a death pool victory, he/she will also be required to compose a brief obituary and/or eulogy.
This is going to be fun!!!
Update: We're the #1 Google result for the query "Hogan Family Death Pool."