Unlike Years Past, 2010 finds us with nary a ball-bustingly bad boobie prize for our Annual Arabian FaceBuster "Stakes Is High" high-stakes WrestleMania XXVI Prognostication Gambling Pool.
Of course year-one of this hallowed tradition found Apollo Spas settling in comfortably on the can for the literary dirge known as "If They Only Knew" (an appropriate title as any when one ponders the gender identity ambiguity of its author, former ROTC Candidate, "Celebrity Rehab" Alum and "The Surreal Life" superstar Joanie Lawler aka Chyna aka Sean Waltman's Spooge Bucket).
The reportage of which was followed, appropriately enough, by The Pencil Necked One's viewing of the aforementioned Spooge-Bucketing by none other than one Sean (EDIT: STEVE) Lacey's uncanny doppelganger, the former 1-2-3 Kid (Geek of course hoping all the while the numerical key of "1-2-3" refering to Waltman's stamina with the ladies. It, alas, did not) into Chyna's numerous and surgically altered orrifi (orrifices?!?).
And of course, currently we are treated to the weekly dose of delusion that is Hulk Hogan's psudo autobiographical WWE-Sponsored audio taped retrospective on the Orange- Hued Dirigible One's craptacular self-immoliating life and career thanks to the ever- malleable Malibu Sands
So now, how do we compete with that? Sex with Chyna, unfortunately, is off the table (most likely its on a public park bathroom stall floor somewhere). Sex with Hulk Hogan tag-teaming the loser with Daughter 'Thunder Thighs' Brooke is alas, available, but would likely just end up with the lucky loser feeling left out as this horsey, glistening, little three-way-dance would inevitably wind up just being those other two going at it while our poor lucky loser just sat by and had to watch.
No. This year is going to be different! This year we will SPIN THE WHEEL. Indeed, a WHEEL OF HOGAN! is currently under construction at a top-secret undisclosed oversees underground location! This perverted device, so terrible in its consequence, its true contents cannot be revealed until the day of WrestleMania! Needless to say, it shall be spun. Not just once, but TWICE!!
So make your picks carefully, lambs. Each correct pick will be one step away from spinning that terrible, slimy, dirty, wart- infested wheel. Each failure brings you one Big Booty-Wootie closer to its evil machinations, the likes of which have never been seen before in the history of the series of tubes and wires known as the internets!
Oh, yeah I almost forgot. Someone's going to have to spin the WHEEL OF HOGAN! no matter what their picks are. 2 Money in the Bank participants names will be drawn at random out of Malibu's Mesh Schmidt cap by each editor (& guest editor if you darest, Bissoux!). If you possess the name of the winner of MiTB, you will be spinning the WHEEL OF HOGAN! as well. It is possible that someone will be spinning THE WHEEL OF HOGAN! twice in one terrible, terrible, night...
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul.