Rumor has it that tonight's RAW IS WAR will have everybody's favorite 'Jumpin' Jamaican Kofi Kingston vs. everyone's least favorite (roid) 'Ragin' Russian Vladamir Koslov in the final Money in the Bank qualifying match. I don't know about you all, but I simply loves it when WWE plays the race/ethnic sterotype card! It's like the 80's all over again, Mad Russian vs. The Happy Black Man, an instant classic fo' sho'!
Anywhoose, it looks like we might then have our final card for the WHEEL of HOGAN!, err, I mean for WRESTLEMANIA XXVI!!! Assuming we don't have any "hot" diva action shoehorned into the card like Mickey James' tum-a-tum-tumm into her too-tight jeans, this should be what we are in store for:
UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
The Miz(c) & The Big Show(c) vs.
R-Truth & John Morrison
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
MVP vs. Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntire vs. Matt Hardy vs. Dirk Diggler vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kofi Kingston/ [EDIT: NOT Vladimir Koslov]
LOSER JOINS THE STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY (EVEN IF THEY ALREADY ARE)
CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio
HOTT GUY ON GUY ON GUY ACTION
Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes
NOT SO HOTT GUY ON GUY ACTION
Shemus vs. Triple H
WHO SCREWED WHOM?!
Mr. McMahon vs. Bret "The Hitman Hart"
WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BATTLE OF THE BRANDS
The John Cena vs. The Batista(c)
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Chris Jericho(c) vs Edge
CAREER VS. STREAK- NO DQ/ COUNT OUT
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. The "Phenom" The Undertaker
Pick Away! Just remember The Stakes... they is High!!
9 comments:
Okay, I'll bite.
1. Undertaker over HBK.
2. Edge wins the title from Jericho with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR. Unfortunately.
3. Batista retains against John Cena thanks to outside interference from Batista's estranged (and enraged) lesbian mother.
4. Even though I think Vince is actually going to take this one just to humiliate Bret one more time and assert his alpha status in the pride, I'm picking pathetic ol' Bret Hart to pick up the W.
5. Ted DiBiase pins Rhodes (after Orton hits him with a punt or RKO but isn't able to make the cover) and gets a WM rub by proxy.
6. Shemus does not get a WM rub, losing convincingly to HHH in 5 minutes.
7. Punk over 619. I will be rooting for this outcome stronger than any other match on the card.
8. Christian takes MITB. Bourne out duels Benjamin in *HOLY SHIT* spots while Kane sucks more energy out of the match than Swagger and MVP combined.
9. Mizter Show over Team Flippity Floppity Floo. R-Truth turns on Morrison after the match, setting back black-white race relations in this country 30 years.
10. If there's a diva schmoz of some sort, I'll take Michelle McCool. Even if she's not in the match.
1. UT def. HBK
2. Edge.
3. Don't make the kiddies cry! Cena is what's for dinner.
4. I'm gonna go out on a limb on this one... no, No I'm not. Yes, yes I am, Vince wins.
5. Orton's rapid descent into babyface ambiguity begins. Ted wins with Cody's help.
6. HHH finally wins one at WM. But I'm thinkin' this one's gonna be a stinkin' for at least 8 minutes.
7. Hmmm. I'm going with Mysterio, just because I hate him and he never does anything interesting.
8. For the second year in a row, Kofi's my pick to climb that ladder. And jump off of it. And climb back up again, almost make it to the top, and Jump off of it again. Then climb it one more time. For the win.
9. R-Truth & Morrison get the kiddies excited with the win for this curtain jerker.
10. Santino gets beat up by the Divas in the throwaway segment.
Its late and I'm somewhat drunk, but may I propose a "Double Down" twist?
Follow- You may, if you choose "Double Down" on another person's pick. If they have chosen, for example, Batista over Cena, and you so vigorously disagree, you may "double down" on their pick: If they are incorrect, you win a bonus point, whilst if you are wrong, and they correct, you gain a negative point *ouch*.
Alright, brother dudes...
1. Undertaker beats Shawn. I'd like to go against the Dead Man, but it's like a spooky cave everyone keeps telling me not to wander into.
2. Edge beats Jericho. I crunch a tasty pickle spear, spear, spear to ward off the oncoming alcohol poisoning.
3. Batista's botched lunchbox shot costs him the title to Mr. Zabadoo.
4. Bret wins, screws us all.
5. Randy Orton emerges from a writhing ball of gay sex victorious.
6. Sorry, Sheamus O'Shaunessy, but I'm going with HHH.
7. Punk wins, leers creepily at young Dominic Mysterio.
8. Christian chasing down the World Title from Edge or Jericho just sounds like too much fun... I'll take Drew McIntyre.
9. Mizter Shew retain tag titles. Suprise celebrity guest Bob Odenkirk appears dressed as a milk machine. David Cross can't be reached for comment.
10. Mickey James' tum pins Santina (dressed as Awesome Kong) in hypotetical Divas match.
Package received! Instructions heeded. Thanks Bunny!
Never have stakes been higher...
I'm here! in the nick of time:
1. Is it possible this can somehow be a draw? and they both retire? I can believe its just going to be the same as last year (minus the "sexy jesus" gimmick) but *shrug* Taker I suppose.
2. Edge with a corner lurking, anxious hair stroking, eye popping, teeth clenching expression..... followed by a spear.
3. If both of them survive without some accidental bone breakage, my moneys on Big Bad Dave.
4. Bret to win. Aside from $$$ I cant imagine any other way they could have persuaded him to come back. I also imagine some surprise Hart family pop ups / interference, i'm praying for Prince Teddy to show up and flippity flop all over vince, zero chance but maybe the Anvil?
5. Ted. But do you know who really wins in this sizzling 3-way? yours truly, Bunny Bissoux.
6. Tribble Aitch wins, everyone forgets about Seamus for a while. unless Hornswoggle decides to do the dirty on DX, and switch his irish allegiance to Seamus aiding him to the win in some ludicrous comedy manner.
7. Majestic Chesthair for the win.
8. Christian. Surely he was punished enough down in ECW, maybe he's moving on up, but maybe i'm a fool. Shelton jumps off a ladder, Evan Bourne jumps off everything, Kane can't jump at all, we all miss that time when JoMo moonsaulted holding a ladder and hopefully Drew McIntyre's hair unfurls in a beautiful cascade.
9. family favorites R-Truth & JoMo (or thanks to Mr Bissoux's witty suggestion today, they shall henceforce be known as "Ron N Jon")
10. The good divas beat the bad divas and Beth Phoenix does something astonishingly strong.
My guesses for celebrities in attendence this year:
Somebody with a very minor role in the Twilight Saga, Pauly Shore, the ghost of Corey Haim.
Picked blind, AND drunk, AND past regulation deadline, so feel free to disqualify my ass and heap all sorts of indecent Hogan gimcrackery upon me, BUT:
Miz and Shew.
Kane wins MITB.
CM Punk beats Rey Rey.
Orton.
Bret beats Vince.
Trips over Irish Guy.
Jericho beats Edge.
Cena beats the Bats.
Undertaker beats HBK, cos I didn't get where I am today by betting against the Undertaker.
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