Wednesday, March 31, 2010

This One is for the Ladies, or "Woooooooooo!!!" for All That You Do

Just wanted to give a special Bottom Line, bottom line "Hell Yeah" shout-out for all the incredible lady friends of the FaceBuster who made this year's WrestleMania XXVI death-march such a special event for us double X[EDIT: XY-whoops-], mouth-breathing, beer guzzling, elbow dropping (careful not to scratch the hardwoods) Greenie-gulping cretins.

None of it would have been possible, nor even probable without the sweet sweet feminine mystique provided to us by the likes of the double baby buggy juggling of Mrs. Geek and the Mrs. Geek's Mutha, the hamburger grubbin' and Randy Orton Lovin' provided by the most Vixie of all Viscosinators, MJ; whose elegantly appointed home was invaded by us knuckle-dragging barbarians and converted, if only for a short, sweet sweet while, into the mobile Malibu Manner (remind me to base my picks on the unerringly-accurate libido of Miss Viscosinator for any future Mania gambling degeneracy) and of course, the immaculate and incomparable Miss Bunny Bissoux for bringing it all down to the now quintessential WrestleMania experience of "Pass the Package".

No, no. Not the passing of the Total Package of the heineously well-endowed Mister Malibu Sands, but the elegantly bedecked and phenomenally packaged prizes of her own devices that truly set the stage for the biggest stage of them all. Cheers to you, Miss Bissoux for all that you do, you truly are a god among men. Thank you for your awesome presents from across the Pond, we Yanks could only hope for such majesty such as yours to set upon our be-blighted shores!

Now for the bad news, for it is true, Miss Bissoux, that you did lose!!! The WHEEL OF HOGAN! hath spoken and its Hulk Hogan Themed attire for you, times two!! I would only humbly suggest we make a special rider (not of the Zack variety) clause that states thus: With talents such as yours, might I request that you, the fair loser of our be-blighted Stakes Is High test of picks be allowed this wee teeny tiny little twist? I humbly propose, that shall you fail to find the appropriately tailored Red and Yellow acoutramon', that you be allowed to, if you so choose, to craft said Hulkamania Garb by your own dainty and insanely talented hand?

In other words, if you can't find any good Hogan shit to wear, you can make your own damn shit. Doubtless it will be without peer, and far, far, superior in flair (of the Ric varietal) and construction than what could possibly be found officially licensed and approved by those wibbley-wobbly knees at the WWE.

Thank you Ladies of Wrestlemania. Thank You. If, only if, all the Ladies could be as cool as you... Thank You.


Malibu Sands said...

Rev Von Fury, I second yr "hell yeahs" to these three fantastic ladies. Also an additional special shout out is in order to Vixie for cooking us some delicious steamed hams (although they were obviously grilled) while we watched The Mania and passed The Parcel.

After some trading of parcel prizes, I am proud to say that I am the holder of the coveted Tully Blanchard chest hair pin, which worn with pride on my sport coat lapel last night during a swanky dinner with Carminson Von Fritzerson and Vixie. That prize more than made up for that Carlito scratch n' scratch card that I "won."

Should we do this all over again for next month's Xtreme Rules PPV?

Pencil Neck Geek said...

Tremendous thanks as well to one Malibu Sands for opening up his stunning manor for this year's festivities. It was a fine dinin', greenie drinkin', Ax Man diggin', pub crawlin', Boogie Man Jam downloadin', Anderson brother boot lovin', Twin Cities appreciatin', cab stealin', inside smokin' hell of a good time!

My hangover has almost subsided.

Lest we forget, Carminson Von Fritzerson faces punishment for his "winning" MITB contestant Jack Swagger. Can you get Suburban Commando on Blu Ray?

Bunny said...

2 weeks have passed and I have now ventured out of the Bissoux Emergency Underground Bunker where I spent my days sobbing endlessly into the teeny tiny Ultimate Warrior pillow I had brought for comfort. I realised I cannot run nor hide from the Wheel of Hogan and I must take responsibility for my atrocious match picking skills. I am here today to acknowledge my fate and promise that my punishment shall be completed by the dawn of Mania 27.

I'll admit I was terrified by the mention of Zac Ryder and worried the challenge had been switched to the donning of some kind of a one pant leg, one short leg ensemble. A horror which terrifies me even more than the Hogan yellow and red garb.

Aside from that, thank you for your kind words, it warms my tiny heart to hear the Passing of the Package was enjoyed, you are more than welcome.

I shall now return my "dainty hand" to my own overdue wrestlemania recap post.