So. Less than a week until Wrestlemania. Time to commence the betting. Time to risk it all (I mean it. Just wait for th' pay-off) in order to win twelve cans of cheap beer. As usual, twelve frosty-licious tins of IRON CITY to the lucky stiff with the most picks. To the loser? To the sad wretch whose wrestling prognostication abilities lie shamed in front of his compadres?I can't believe I'm about to get involved in this.
See, th' Pencil-Neck Geek and I were talking about this on our way back from band practice (Tyrants' first show at th' palatial EXIT ONLY on March 26th. If "Bad Brains meets Suicide" doesn't get yr ass in a seat, then you might be retarded.) and he sagely pointed out that we gambled for pretty high stakes last year.
"I know," I said, "I had to read the Chyna book. It fucking sucked."
And then th' PNG said the thing. The bad thing. The thing after which, to quote the Nation Of Ulysses, "I know nothing's gonna be alright again."
He said. That the loser. Should watch. The. Chyna. Sex. Tape.
I think I might throw up.
Huhhhgh. Ummmmugh. Gruh. No, don't, I'm okay. It's just, ah... I said... I said that it might be a pretty good idea. HEAR ME OUT! Look, it's good copy. And we've been slacking off lately, admit it. When we first started, we were recapping fucking ECW matches, for God's Sake! That took dedication! And now? Photos of arenas? Sure, they're gorgeous and even a little avant-garde, but it's hardly cutting-edge wrasslin' content, now is it? Time to get hungry again! Time to stand tall and go where other wrestling scandal sheets fear to tread! Time to see if Chyna Really Has A Dick.
Believe me, I wish there was another way. I lost last year's pool, remember? It could very easily be me trudging over to the Fat Cobra looking shellshocked and defeated. I could be the poor soul who gets turned off of sex for the next half-decade. But in the interest of Real Journalism... well, frankly, it's shameful that we haven't had the balls to do this yet.
So. Loser watches X-Pac bang Chyna (in the pooper, no less!). Winner gets drunk for free. Agreed?
I'm gonna study tomorrow night's Smackdown! like it was the fucking Torah.
3 comments:
Of course I'm kidding about the Arena photos. They're actually one of my favorite things on the site, lately. Old Skool architecture conveys a profound, Ballardian intellectual purity that modern monstrosities (like, say, SafeCo Field in Seattle)fail to attain.
I'm sure I'm going to live to regret this proclamation about 11 days from now...but I'm in on this wager!
In all actuality, this is one of the more difficult to prognosticate Wrestle Mania's of recent memory. I have heard from a few well placed sources that Kofi Kingston is booked to win the battle royal.
Advantage: Malibu!
And only one more week's worth of old skool arena foto goodness before switching to a new monthly topic. At this point, I'm thinking of photo expose on the old skool jobber!
Jesus, what was I thinking? Here come the three words I'm sure will haunt me the rest of my life:
Count me in...
Post a Comment