Tomorrow afternoon, at 4pm Pacific Standard Time, we embark on the most dangerous undertaking (har?) in the history of th' Facebuster. We watch Wrestlemania 24 with a truly horrific wager on the line. Th' cable company sez the festivities actually kick off at 3:30, but I expect this to be the usual plotline-recap/merchandise-shuck/Michael Cole-blather waste of time it is every year.The house will provide Chile Rellenos (Chiles Relleno? Who the fuck knows?) and hot wings, as well as the first round of beers. Should you crave other refreshment, bring it yr damn self. I'm not running a barbeque truck over here (but somebody in the parking lot across the street is, and I couldn't be more excited. They probably won't have any po' boys ready in time for th' Mania, though.).
On to the card: A "Bunnymania" Lumberjack match between Ashley/Maria and Beth Phoenix/Melina
Finlay vs. JBL in a "Belfast Brawl"
A 24-man schmozz Royale for th' ECW #1 Contender Spot
Batista vs. Racist Throwback Umaga
Money-In-The-Bank: John Morrison, CM Punk, MVP, Chris Jericho, Mr. Kennedy, Shelton Benjamin, and Carlito
Ric Flair vs. HBK
Floyd Mayweather vs. Th' Big Shew
Edge vs. Undertaker
Cena vs. Orton vs. Triple H
Looks like the usual mixed bag of excitement, tedium, and crossover hokum, but this damn betting could make things really hot as the evening's festivities progress. In closing, I'd like to ask my sainted mother to pray for her wayward son. I really don't want to lose this bet.
10 comments:
Christ, almighty. Here we go.
Phoenix/Melina beat Ashley/Maria
Finlay beats JBL
Mark Henry wins the Schmozz (I fucking KNOW how stupid that sounds)
Bats beats Umaga
MITB: MVP's anomalous push continues
HBK retires Flair
Shew beats Mayweather without mercy
Undertaker beats Edge
John Cena, god help us all, brings the spinny belt back home.
I'm scared.
Apollo: From my understanding, the winner of the battle royal, which will be airing sometime during the pre-show/Michael Cole shill fest, goes on to face Chavo Guerrero during the PPV. So technically there's one more match to predict, one more match that might very well determine the outcome of this highest of high stakes wagers.
Onto my picks:
Maria/Ashley over Phoenix/Melina
JBL over Finlay
Assuming he's entered, Kane takes the Battle Royale. Chavo defeats Kane to retain the ECW strap thanks to interference by the ghost of his dead uncle Eddie Guerrero. If this actually happens I think I should earn automatic immunity from having to endure the Chyna sex tape no matter how off my other picks may be.
Batista over Umaga.
I'm taking MVP in the MITB also.
HBK over Flair.
Mayweather knocks out Big Shew.
Undertaker takes the title from Edge.
HHH wins one of the least compelling WM main events in history.
Okay, Chavo beats Mark Henry if yr right. And ghost or no ghost, NO ONE IS IMMUNE. Word to David Mamet.
God have mercy on our souls (but especially mine).
The winners:
Carlito in schmozz
Chavo retains Title in later match
Ashley/Maria,fo shizzle dizzle
Finlay
Umanga
Jericho in MITB
Flair
Mayweather
Undertaker
HHH
PNG: I believe Carlito is slated to participate in the MITB match, not the battle royal of suckitude.
I foresee a Hacksaw Jim Duggan pick in your future!
Thanks Malibu- You're my fact checking cuz!
I'll pick fucking Kahli instead.
I don't know what you guys are so scared of . "One Night in Paris can't be THAT bad....
oh. oh, holy shit. dear god no, no , no....how could I have been so wrong???
Maria's All-Natural Wonder-Twins and Ashley's Robo-Cop Doubble Dees flop all over Phoenix and 88-yr.old Melina. Snoop forgets he has like twelve children AND a wife at home.
Technically, this 24-manschmozz is on WWE.com and could be considered the Florida and Michigan of this terrible contest. Does it count? Doesn't it?
'fraid I got to agree wit Spas here and give the rub-a-dub to Mark Henry.
Henry def. Chavo and is your new ECW Champ. New Jack rolls over in his grave.
Bats over Umanga. Geek, what were you thinkingon this one?
MVP gets a whole 'nother year to put us all into channel surfing slumber as he has yet ANOTHER inexpliccablly (?sp?) relentless push for this talentless schmo.
Mayweather beats (hah!) Show. Too Bad.
UT.
John Cena goes spinny spinny all the way home.
And then there was Flair. This ones tough. I can see Flair winnning, saying it doen't get any better than that, and retires a winner....BUT I don't think Vince really wants an aging retiring superstar to pull his curtain at the expense of going over one of Vince's not-quite-yet-but-already-did-once-already non-retiring aging superstars. Even if its the Man. Sooooo...... What the Hell, I'll pick Flair too.
rev.
oh and Finlay over JBL. Unless of course Hornswaggle turns against his "real" father and all the kiddies f'n cry.
I would expect nothing less than Hornswoggle turning on Finlay with a low blow, leading to JBL's patented clothesline from hell, which I have been assured that any resemblance to Stan Hansen's lariat is purely coincidental.
It will then be announced tomorrow night on RAW that Finlay will take on JBL and Hornswoggle in a handicapped steel cage match at Backlash, allowing all of America another opportunity to watch a midget get destroyed by an ill-tempered Irishman.
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