What The Cock Is This Shit?

I admit that, like most thinking humans, I have missed the last several months of WWE Smackdown! (The enforced exclamation point is giving me the vapors, BTW). Thus, when a sense of journalistic duty finally moved me to stop the infernal blinking of my VCR clock last night, I was understandably surprised to see the grotesque image that confronts you atop this post.

A little Boogeyman? The big one wasn't enough? Let me see if I follow the logic here: you've got a third-rate Kane ripoff (which, if you're keeping score, makes him at least a fourth or fifth-rate Undertaker ripoff) whose sloppy ringwork and tepid crowd response have already led to you firing him TWICE, and not only do you keep depleting the (publicly traded) WWE coffers to keep him in leather pants and alarm clocks, but you go and hire a "little person" to follow him around and emulate his shtick? W, verily, TF?

Look, I get the Finlay/Little Bastard (sigh... FINE.) HORNSWOGGLE gimmick. Hornswoggle's a LEPRECHAUN, right? And Finlay's, like... Irish? Okay, that makes a degree of sense. So this evil Leprechaun hides under the ring, and hits the Miz in the nuts with a shillelagh (yay!) and actually DOES STUFF. Little Boogey (shudder) doesn't do anything. He just follows the Boogeyman around and mimics Boogey's moves out of synch with the pyro (if last night's performance was any indication). He also jumps around at ringside and cheers, but that's a moot point 'cos you can't fucking see him over the ring!

Perhaps Vince McMahon is trying to start a Midget Wrestling Division (I'm sorry, guys. If Howard Stern has taught me anything, it's that y'all prefer to be "Little People", but it's been Midget Wrestling since before I was born, and it'll be Midget Wrestling long after I'm dead) to compensate for his terminally unwatchable Women's Division. I can't find fault with that. But, please... don't do it like this. Don't stick us with Little Boogeyman. Let Hornswoggle feud with... I don't know, Tiny Benoit or something. Shorty Too Hotty? Mini Wang Yang? Whatever. Just take the Little Boogeyman away.

Pencil Neck Geek, you're a stockholder. Can nothing be done?