This Freak Haunts My Every Step

The greasy pimp on the left (seen here in full Artie Lange mode) is the reason I will not be tossing another (metaphorical) log onto the raging inferno of pro-TNA hype we maintain here at Arabian Facebuster. His name, for those of you who haven't been brutally disappointed by pro wrestling over the last decade, is Vince Russo. He is the inventor of "WWF ATTITUDE," "Degeneration X," and "David Arquette, your World Heavyweight Champion." He's a total fucking shitheel, and I don't care if he's found Jesus or not.

To give the devil (har) his due, Russo DID reinvigorate the stale environs of mid-90's wrasslin' with his crude sexual innuendo, constant title changes, and sudden heel turns. Unfortunately, it's exactly this sort of Hard Sell writing that led to today's much-despised "New Era of Whimsy" and the mistreatment of Fudgie The Whale. Also, ECW did the same bit only about a gazillion times better.

Now he's back (for approximately the fourteenth time) in the desperate arms of TNA management. His writing "talents" have given us the Voodoo Kin Mafia, as well as the comedy stylings of Alex Shelley and Sonjay Dutt. He's also the reason that Thursday's hour-long iMPACT! episode only featured about twenty minutes of actual wrestling. What's worse, one of those matches was a brutal Kurt Angle squash of some damn cracker, and another featured the ponderous Tyson Tomko in a waddle-and-grimace-off with The Monster Abyss.

This left your action-starved correspondent with ONE MEASLY MATCH to watch, and it was some chaotic six-man tag schmozz that, while quite fun in a ludicrous spot-chasing kind of way, could not even hope to come close to this defiantly old-school number from last week's Smackdown!

In closing: to hell with Vince Russo. If wrestling fans hope to ever watch any actual wrestling, he will have to be removed. Maybe we can raise enough money to buy him and Sting some kind of frontier church where they can deliver the good word to apple-cheeked youngsters and pious housewives. Otherwise, expect TNA's admittedly scattershot booking to add entire new levels of meaning to the word "jittery." Also, Tyson Tomko will reveal that The Monster Abyss is pregnant with James Mitchell's demon baby.