Yr More or Less 1- Week Before WrassleMania 27 Live RAW Blogging Update

(also "The Night Where Lots Of Pointing At A Banner That Looks A Lot Like That Happened")

Your opener tonight is footage from last week's RAW. Okay. Looks like CM PUNK was menacing Randall K. Orton's wife last week. (seriously? initials R-K-O? seriously.) She is in a large tour bus, no sign of a gym bag anywhere, and she's screaming a lot while CM PUNK looks at her somewhat menacingly. (Funny thing is, this is most certainly NOT the same pair of milk-bags that played Mrs. R.K.O. couple of years ago when WWE ran a HHH/ RANDY K. ORTON half-baked home invasion angle).

When an injured-legged ORTON makes the ring CM PUNK promptly no sells some of Randall's shit and since we are in CHICAGO tonight, PUNK's finisher The "GoToSleep" is cheered mercilessly as it is applied to our alleged face's face, RANDALL K. ORTON. Yea? Boo. Yea, Boo, Yea, Boo?! The waters, they be muddied!

CM PUNK vs. RANDY K. ORTON: MR. RKO will prevail at WM27.

EDGE and CHRISTIAN. Together Again! TONIGHT its the 1st. time in 6 years they are teaming up.! And its next!!!
Yea?

Meh.
E & C walk the ramp to their respective entrance themes and pew-pew-pyro and their opponents tonight are some Rich Mexican Dude and a Fat Ethnic Guy.

EDGE pins the F.E.G. and Rich Mexican dude runs away. Then he's back. And then he's hurting Edge. And then we go to a commercial.

EDGE vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: EDGE. But X-Tian will turn on him.

Snooki! Next!! Its Snookie and She's SNOOKI Next!!! Snooki!!

And it is SNOOKI! A video graphic of SNOOKI, really. And the video graphic of SNOOKI, is standing next to video graphic TRISH STRATUS & also video graphic JOHN MORRUSSON and they will be meeting some video graphics that sneer and are called LAY/McCOOLDERTAKER with a DOLPH DIGGLER and the VIKI G. But please just forget about MORRUSSON, cause he nearly stole the show at this year's LeROYALE RUMBLE with his PARKOUR (look it up, dumbass) and because this is really just a vehicle to get 'ol Widow Guerrero pinned under the ample thighs of the SNOOKI @ WM27 whilst the dumbass CROWD GOES WILLD! (2 ll's for emphasis, not as in a "Y" sound like as in "Allende" (Ahh-Yenn-Deh).

In a surreal bit, the WWE Champion The Miz is purposely turning the attitudinal "W" on the Spinner WWE Championship Belt upside-down as an "M" for his name: The Miz. ( +1 for the Microchip? )

Eghads, what's this? Sma'Down's THE CORRE? You mean The CORRE, formerly known as The NEXXUS, formerly of The NXT? (don't ask). Basically, its four guys you don't know. A Britt, a South African, a Red-Headed Southern Boy and a Big Black Guy. Sounds like a joke some where in there about them all walking into a bar. But they don't. They job to Santino.

THE CORRRE vs. TheBIGSHEW & OMG ITS KANE: OMG KANE and BGSHEW were dancing for Santino's victory tonight, so I predict more dancing next Sunday. And for Many Moons to come as well.After all, O.M.G. its KANE! And he's DANCING!

BONG! BONG! BONG! ITS THE DEMON! No, not the yard long glass monstrosity of Basement's past, but the UNDERTAKER, brought to you by a Johnny' Cash song. I get it, the Dead Man is being serenaded to the ring by a DEAD MAN! *WHOOOSH!*flame pyro. *WHOOSH!* blue lights. Wha- no Druids?!

Oh no he di'n't! Oh. Yes. He. Did! ITSAHHHHLLLLABOUTDAAGAAAAAAAME!!!! And so now we have dueling entrances between the Phenom and the GAME. These guys have spent more time staring at each other in the ring in the past two weeks than they have been in action in it for the past year....

YOU THINK I"M CUTE *crowd totally gushes like smitten little girls* YA KNOW I'M SEXXAY!" *Now I'm squealing*. Shawn God Damn Michaels is here! And we're going to 'da WAR ZONE....

Yaddah-yaddah "Eighteen-and- Ohh". Boogidy -boo "Mister Wrestle Mania". Blabbity blabbity-Blah Blah "Mutual Respect". HBK tries to Sweet Chin Music the GrungerTaker, but big, mean, Mark grabs his leg and has him in the choke slam choke stage when HHH pushes him aside and goes nose to nose with the UT. Shawn skulks away, up the ramp, skulkingly saying "I'm Sorry" to Ayetch, but strangely not mouthing the words "I Love You"... ! Draaa- Mmaa !

WRESTLETAKER vs. MR. STEPHANIE THE GAME LEVESQUE (NO DQ's): 19-0.

Michael Cole is Bad now. And Jerry Lawler is Mad now. They're gonna have a match this Sunday at WrestleMania and its perhaps the only feud on the card more than two weeks old. Uh-huh. And BOTTOM LINE is gonna be the Special Guest Referee. Yes, you heard me right. BOTTOM LINE of BOTTOM LINE fame will spill beer, flip the bird and tug on his own striped referee shirt a couple a times for a nice fatty WMania five- to- six-figure check. Who the fuck cares.

JERRY LAWLER vs MICHAEL COLE w/ JACK SWAGGER w/ SPECIAL REFEREE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: Jerry Lawler FINALLY get his "WrestleMania Moment" (like he ever fucking deserved it in the first place).

Tonight, on the Endless Night of Dueling Entrances: DOLPH DIGGLERSON vs. SHAMUSSON vs. DANIELSONBRYANSON vs. MORRESSUN vs. COMMERCIALS.

After Commercials spends a full two and a half minutes in an un-answered onlsaught of offense, we see that this is a tag-match. And, its, done. SHAMUSSON pins BRYANSON.

US TITLE MATCH- SHAMUS(c) vs. DANIEL BRYAN: Dunno. Don't Care. And That's Just Sad. In a pinch, I pick SHAMUS. Cause we all know DANIEL BRYAN is on to bigger and better things, right? Right? Hello? Is anybody home? Hel--oooo? Huh, that's funny. Something must have cut the power. And the phone's not working either. That's strange. Maybe I should go into this darkened basement and just check the fuse box, or maybe I should go upstairs and check on the baby.... Hmm, I can't decide. Oh well, I'm sure its just the wind...

Safety Break. 'scuse me a minute.

In Memoriam: Bar Fights with BRADSHAW, FAROOQ-FARROQ - IS- ON- FIRE and whomever else. Tonight, WWE's bottle tipping to pour some out homage to those bygone barfight days is SNOOKI & TRISH WTF IS SHE DOING HERE STRATUS in some bar with some dude and some tag team called LAY/McCOOL-McTAKER. Brief amount of screaming/ hair pulling/ the sound of Trish's pro- wrestling legacy groaning like Two Fat Twins dismounting their Motorcycles... ahhhnd its done. (Yup, SNOOKI is stradling Lay and/or/either McCool/ McTaker. Told 'ya, bitches.)

JOHN MORRISON with TRISH STRATUS and SNOOKI vs. DOLPH DIGGLER with LAYLA & MICHELLE McCOOL & VIKKI GUERRERO: Team Jo-Mo Tri- Strat-Ooki FTW. The Semblance of Reason is the real loser in this one, fans.

THE ROCK. Ahhhnd suddenly its NineteenNinetyNine again. No. No it is not. But finally he has come back to CHICAGO. It was THE ROCK'S 1st Mania "IN THIS VERY BUILDING". Was it? WikiPedia can always be perfectly & totally trusted in matters such as this and this alone... I'll Fac-Check letter. (Fac-Check cause it doesn't need to be to a "t").

Hmmm. ROCK promises to stick things in CENA's ass. We will see ROCK. We will See.

WRESTLEMANIA 27 MAIN EVENT: THE ROCK!!! JOHN CEENAH!!!
oh. and some wwe champion. somehow. maybe. somewhere or something. something something... but THE ROCK!

JOHN CEENAH!!

THE ROCK!!! JOHN CENA!!!! And its now :13 past the hour. What the hell are they thinking? That by way of a ten minute overrun of their normal broadcast timeslot their gonna be able to pepper this turkey? pinch this pimple? squeeze this charmin? No. No they did not.

but they did manage to point at that sign a few more times.

Yr Belated Bonus Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWF/E Edition)

F-5! F-5!! F-5!!! Oh, sweet salvation!

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWF Edition)

The Camel Clutching of Hulk Hogan, Part II. Sigh, if only I could find a photo of the Sarge slapping this devestating submission/rest hold on washed out string bean Greg Gagne.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWF Edition)

The pummeling of Hulk Hogan continues, courtesy of The Iron Sheik.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWF Edition)

Hulk Hogan cries like a sunburned school girl -- presumably because Andre The Giant ripped the shirt off his chest and cross off his neck out of frustration from Hogan ducking him and refusing to give him an opportunity to rassle for the WWF Heavyweight Title for several years -- while Roddy Piper checks his hand for snortable cocaine residue. January, 1987.

State of the Facebuster Nation, Ctd

Facebuster Status Update:

The real world (READ: My new job...that's right I have departed Tully Blanchard Enterprises Incorporated for more lucrative and certainly greener pastures...say hello to Buck Rock and/or Roll Zumhofe's RocknRollWrestling's Director of Constituent Relations) has been kicking my ass, leaving no time to do what I do best...take umbrage with and and every desperate Hulk Hogan attention seeking/self-promoting shenanigan and upload clips of Jimmy Valiant, The American Starship, and the superstars of the IPW.

But I'm getting back into getting back into getting back into you, Facebuster Nation. The demise of Arabian Facebuster is thus being postponed. We're going out with a Cactus Jack bang bang, not a Mick Foley whimper whimper. Fresh rassle-rassle content is coming oh so very soon...not unlike Rev Von Fury TV!!!

We're choosing to bow on the biggest stage like our idols Flair and HBK...Wrestle Mania, 2011 edition. And unlike Flair, we won't be crawling back for yr adulation completely broken down under the auspices of nostalgia or one more mediocre run for old times sake.

Or will we?

Besides a couple of you still need to make payment arrangements on yr outstanding, Stakes Is High debts.

Thanks for your continued support and readership.

-Malibu

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWF Edition)

Explanation #1: King Kong Bundy puts the kibosh on Hulk Hogan's back and ribs as the Magnificent Muraco holds down the supposedly irresistible force that are the 24" pythons with ease.

Explanation #2: King Kong Bundy makes prison whoopee to Hulk Hogan as The Magnificent Muraco patiently waits his turn.

Saturday Night's Main Event. Phoenix, AZ. Circa January-February, 1986.

"My Back, My Back" a.k.a.- "Get a Doctor"

BREAKING NEWS: I Was Afraid This Was Going to Happen...

The Hulkster is going to wed short time girlfriend and longtime Brooke Hogan look alike Jennifer McDaniel at sundown this evening. She's the meat in the Hogan super-sized stupid sandwich in the picture above.

That leaves Arabian Facebuster no option...in the next 45 minutes, we must find a way to (a) keep the sun high in the sky in perpetuity; or (b) destroy the Hogan compound; (c) destroy the town of Clearwater, Florida in which the Hogan compound is located; or (d) just go ahead and destroy the entire state of Florida.

Sigh, at this 11th hour, I suspect option A might be the most feasible.

Please also file this post under Reason #33 to Despise Hulk Hogan.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (NWA Edition)

Tully, Horse Face, Naitch...circa 1985/86

The Destruction of Randy Hogan, Ctd

Abdullah The Butcher's physical dissection of Randy Hogan is:
(a) Pure catharsis.
(b) Unfortunate in so far as it's not Hulk Hogan on the receiving end.
(c) Gratifying in so far as that Randy Hogan stayed down on the canvas instead of "Hulking up" and delivering some feeble looking and/or ill-timed blows.
(d) Disappointing. The match needed more fork shots to Hogan's follically barren skull.
(e) Meh. I much preferred watching him get taken apart at the hands of NOT ONE BUT TWO great big fatsos.

Be sure to mark your answer completely. Like this.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (WWWF Edition)

George "The Animal" Steele and the fashion plate "Classy" Freddie Blassie.

A Revealing Friday Night Videos...

Facebuster Nation: I have confession and revelation of the shocking variety to make. After last Friday night's inexcusable drubbing and at the hands of Bull Fernandez and Rick Rude, neither Randy or Bill Mulkey can no longer be considered my favorite professional rasslin' jobber. Rather, that awesome honor is now bestowed on one RANDY HOGAN, more for his mockery of Hulk Hogan what with his chromed dome and blond crop duster mustache than for his actual selling and bump and punishment taking abilities.

Hogan's tag team partner -- a piece of dirty, dirty white trash that goes by the name Keith Steinborn -- is no slouch either when it comes to bearing a striking resemblance to other grapplers (think: Dutch Mantell) or putting over the offensive arsenal of the opponents: An ebony and ivory great big fatso tag team combination called The Commandos. Jim Ross and Bob Caudle narrate the action, which took place on the NWA's syndicated Pro Wrestling program circa late 1988/early 1989.

I must admit that I do not remember The Commandos, they must have had just a 2 to 3 week run with the promotion, possibly to fill out The Bunkhouse Stampede battle royal roster. After watching them compete, I think you'll agree the NWA brain trust was wise to cut bait.

Before you click play, be forewarned: Minus a very famous Randy Savage-Hulk Hogan spot executed to perfection by Ebony Commando-Randy Hogan at the 2 minute mark and the finishing splash of racial harmony, the rather plodding, repetitive, and unexciting nature of The Commandos makes this 3 minute squash feel a bit tedious. Therefore, this clip is best watched in the illustrious Friday Night Videos tradition...inebriated beyond any capacity for rational thought, sound judgment, even temperament, or complete and coherent sentence formation with a ravenous cabin fatty at yr side smothering yr style and engulfing yr space.

Christmas Gift Suggestion for Malibu Sands

No, not the Von Erich game; I want membership in "The Good Time Gang."

I'd also take that "The Good Time Gang" banner. Or the head of that smarmy announcer on a silver platter.

Reason #62 to Despise Hulk Hogan

Why does Hulk Hogan have such an insatiable appetite to scam, fleece, and gouge the consumer?!? First, he spends years stinking up the ring and silver screen and, in the process, lining his pockets with our hard earned dollars outlaid in pay per views and tickets. Then, he touts the easy money, unfavorable terms, high interest and penalties business model of 1800loanmart.com Next, after months of legal wrangling, he finally settles his frivolous Cocoa Smashdown lawsuit, compelling Post to raise prices on all of its cereals in order to compensate for the lost earnings.

The Hulkster's latest swindle: Extolling the virtues of Rent-A-Center and its corporate philosophy of having consumers pay a ridiculously inflated markup for the privilege of renting a television, computer, or kitchen appliance with the possibility of taking ownership of said item, at the very point when either its warranty expires or has become obsolete. Oh Brother, indeed!

One thing I don't understand: Why is Rent-A-Center advertising renting to own a TV? Chances are, if you need to rent a TV, you don't have a TV, which means you wouldn't see the commercial in the first place?!?

Just an observation.

Please also file this post under Reason #17 to Despise Troy Aikman.

God Dammit...

Quoth The Strib:

The sexual misconduct trial of a former Cretin-Derham Hall teacher has been postponed until Feb. 7 because of a scheduling conflict.

Gail Gagne's trial was to start Tuesday with jury questioning in front of Hennepin County District Court Judge Richard Scherer. But Scherer was still presiding over a trial he started last week that ran longer than expected. Because of other scheduling conflicts, Scherer won't be able to hear the Gagne case until next year.

Gagne is accused of two counts of third-degree criminal sexual misconduct. The criminal complaint alleges that in the summer of 2008, when she was 25 and a weight room supervisor at the St. Paul Catholic school , she had sex with a 16-year-old student on two occasions.

Gagne, formerly of Bloomington, became a teacher at the school that fall, but has since left. She is the daughter of pro wrestler Greg Gagne and the granddaughter of Verne Gagne.

Rasslin' in Prior Lake Foto Recap

Local drunk #18 shows off his handlebar mustache, koozie, and beer gut.

The Black Stallion vs. El Bano aka Some Black Guy vs. The Bathroom for the prestigious IWA World Heavyweight Title, which just so happens to be a replica WWF Title belt.

Playboy Pete Huge vs. Horace The Psychopath in a Prior Lake Streetfight…not to be confused with an Empty Arena Match.

Post show drinkin’ and minglin’: The Intelligent, Sensational Malibu Sands & Horace The Psychopath.

Weight Room Gate Update

Bang the gavel there judge, and let's finally get the TRIAL OF THE CENTURY underway. Courtsey of The Star Tribune:

A marquee judicial match comes this week with the sexual misconduct trial of a former teacher and weight-room supervisor at Cretin-Derham Hall High School.

The Hennepin County District Court case, expected to start with jury questioning Tuesday, pits a former star football player against the former teacher, Gail Gagne.

The charges allege that Gagne, then 25, had sex on a couple of occasions with the then-16-year-old student she supervised on a work-study program in the school's weight room during the summer of 2008.

Text messages and explicit photographs could be part of the case, although neither side has spoken publicly about the details.

One mystery may be cleared up: Charges weren't filed against Gagne until 2009, a time lapse that hasn't yet been explained. Nor has a witness list yet been submitted to Hennepin County District Judge Richard Scherer.

But the case won't lack for star power.

The lawyers on the case are skilled and experienced litigators. Assistant Hennepin County Attorney Judith Hawley is a veteran of high-profile cases who doesn't sweat a hard fight. She prosecuted former Minnesota Vikings' player Carl Eller for a 2008 fight with two police officers in his garage.

Representing Gagne is defense lawyer Earl Gray, usually described as flamboyant and always capable of Hollywood-style courtroom drama.

Gagne, formerly of Bloomington, comes from a famous Minnesota professional wrestling dynasty: Her father is Greg Gagne and her grandfather the legendary Vern Gagne.

She faces two counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct. She was hired by the school in November 2007 as an assistant basketball coach and worked as a substitute teacher from January through September 2008. She was then hired as a full-time teacher.

If Gagne is convicted, she will have to register as a predatory offender. But Gray said she wouldn't face prison, since she has a clean criminal history.

Neither Gray nor Hawley would comment on the upcoming trial. Scherer's file on the case is unusually slim; other than the charges, there is only a request from Gray for evidence from prosecutors.

One thing's for certain: Verne Gagne will surely kill again if he's allowed into the court room to confusedly and agitatedly observe the proceedings.

Yr Old Skool Foto of the Week (World Class Edition)

Kevin, David, Fritz, and Kerry Von Erich