Friday, June 04, 2010

TNA Fears Watchability (In Perpetuity Edition)

Facebuster Nation, I have unearthed a single clip that encapsulates my feelings that run the gamut from indifference to ridicule to out and out contempt towards this Hulk Hogan-centric version of TNA!

This gem of a turd features: (1) Hulk Hogan doing what he does best -- holding down the younger and more credible talent that TNA! has on its roster by hogging the spotlight, making his own rules, and yammering on about who knows what with his trademark overbearing self-righteousness; (2) The company's top 40yo and younger heels crumbling at the point of impact of the Hulkster's comical and feeble right hands; (3) Ric Flair, who looks one carelessly executed comb over away from bald headed geek status, continuing to tarnish his professional wrestling legacy by delivering agitated demented old man esque promos and bumping around like a manic for Hogan, The Monster Abyss, and pretty much anybody else who wants to deliver some offensive maneuvers on the saggy body of the former champ; (4) Grunge Kind The Monster Abyss's whole Mankind meets Rocky Mountain Thunder vibe; (5) A.J. Styles doing his best post-2008 Chris Jericho impression; (6) The Hulkster's right forearm tattoo, earring, and forehead o' blood in attempt to come across as contemporary, edgy (but not too edgy!), and above all relatable to TNA's core audience of physical mutant, socially awkward, online gaming, 30+ year old virgins living in their mom's basement, (yes I realize these are overlapping and all encompassing categories); (7) A promo heavy on cliche and drivel and light on engendering a sense of surprise or anticipation.

(Do not) Enjoy.

And, for the love of God, do not open this clip up in YouToo so that you are able view the viewer comments. For they are probably even more predictable, unimaginative, trite, inarticulate, and depressing than the actual rasslin' related content.

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