Thursday, April 05, 2007

I'm Off the Wagon, Part 2

It has been a long time since your faithful scribe has attended a live professional wrestling event. Too damn long. In fact, the last wrestling event that I graced with my presence was an ICW-Tacoma show back in the late spring of 2000.

I vividly remember the main event of that card like it was yesterday...with hands bound, legs shackled, eyes blindfolded, and nose pinched shut via clothespin, "Streetfighter" Tim Flowers (aka the Triple H of Tacoma) single-handedly decimated ICW Tag Team Champions Richie Magnett AND Buddy Wayne in a handicapped-barbed wire-flaming tables-lumberjack-street fight and then, as a result of his victory, was granted five minutes alone in the ring with the tag champs' manager -- a rabid and almost certainly inbred grizzly bear cub. After powerbombing the feral beast off the top rope through a flaming table covered with thumb tacks, thereby rendering it unconscious in a puddle of its own filth, Flowers proceeded to have unprotected sex with the hottest women from the throng of lovelies congregated at ringside, wearing nothing but the just acquired tag team title gold belts around his perfectly proportioned waist. Now that's wrestling!

Regrettably, I had probably guzzled down about 10 PBR tall boys or so by the time the main event went on, so I am likely leaving out a few of the ancillary details from that otherwise unforgettable night at the (Michael the Neckel) Temple Theatre.

However, my seven year pro wrestling itch is going to get scratched big time come Friday evening!
The place: The Tri-City American Legion (the Frank Lloyd Wright designed edifice pictured above) in New Brighton, MN.
The bell time: 7:00pm.
The promotion: The Western Wrestling Association (you may want to spend a couple of minutes perusing through their site as it's quite a hoot).
The reason I am attending this indy-garbage monstrosity: My friend Martha was invited by one of the wrestler's to attend the show but she is petrified of going alone, wanting
instead to be escorted to the matches by someone who projects vitality, confidence, and credibility. Since her friends that actually possess these traits already have plans, I am accompanying her instead.

Facebusteristas, next week I promise to post a recap of all of the ludicrousness that is the Western Wrestling Association live and in person. Until then, enjoy some frosty cans of Iron City and TNA Impact at The Tiny Bubble Room.


Pencil Neck Geek said...

Gaius Craven- Best Ring Name Ever (or at least since Man Mountain Rock)

Apollo Spas said...

Shade's finishing move: "Calmness."
Best name for a finishing move ever!
These guys are on some John Cage shit, and their web design really puts ours to shame.

Malibu Sands said...

After spending the last thirteen hours in the tub, my body is finally cleansed of the stench that is the Western Wrestling Association live and in person.

Sadly, there was no Gaius Craven in action. There was, however, a (near lethal) double dose of Shade.

As promised, a full recap will be up sometime next week.

martha the singleton said...

thank you so much, mr. sands for going with me. you're a brave man. pictures are on the way!