Yr Old Skool Ethnic Babyface of the Week

Bruno Sammartino, letting his Italian temper get the better of him, hurls a ringside chair at the cranium of Bruiser Brody.

Ric Flair's Brush with Greatness...

...takes place sometime after defeating Magnum TA via sunset flip counter and trunks hold, but before applying hydrogen peroxide to his blood stained forehead, changing into some designer threads and heading down to Rush Street pound back some cocktails and have his picks (intentionally plural) from the litter of scantily attired, the letter "A" over-enunciating, always hungry cabin fatties.

FYI, this footage is from AWA SuperClash '85, Comiskey Park, Chicago, IL, thereby explaining my pronunciation/accent dig in the preceding paragraph.

Cantankerous, Demented Old Man Update

Yup, it's murder I reckon. Reprinted without approval from the Strib:

Former pro wrestler accused in nursing home death

By STEVE KARNOWSKI , Associated Press

March 5, 2009

MINNEAPOLIS - During his glory days as a pro wrestler, Verne Gagne shared the spotlight with other burly men in trunks, guys with names like Killer Kowalski, Mad Dog Vachon, The Crusher and Baron Von Raschke.

But all of that seemed well in the past until just weeks ago, when authorities say Gagne, 82 and suffering from Alzheimer's disease, apparently body-slammed a 97-year-old fellow patient at the suburban nursing home where they both lived, causing the man's death.

Bloomington police are investigating, but not even the victim's widow wants to see the dementia-stricken Gagne prosecuted.

"It's been so hard on both families," said Greg Gagne, Gagne's son and a former wrestler himself.

Helmut Gutmann, a former cancer researcher who suffered from dementia himself, died Feb. 14, about three weeks after breaking his hip in the confrontation. Authorities ruled his death a homicide.

Police said there was no clear indication of what set Gagne off, and neither man could remember the incident afterward. Behavior and personality changes are common as Alzheimer's progresses, and victims of the mind-robbing disease can become agitated.

Like others with the disease, Gagne had all but lost his short-term memory, while his recollections of long-ago events were vivid. But whether he was suffering a flashback to his days in the ring, as some have speculated, is anybody's guess.

Police said they plan to forward the case to prosecutors by the end of the week for possible charges. Gagne, who has since turned 83, has been moved to another institution.

Joseph Daly, a former prosecutor who is now a professor at Hamline University Law School in St. Paul, said he doubts Gagne will be charged. State law prohibits prosecuting anyone who is too mentally deficient to understand the proceedings or offer a defense. Daly said that would appear to apply to Gagne.

"It's a tragedy for the man who was killed, it's a tragedy for the man's family, but it's equally a tragedy for the family of Verne Gagne," said Daly, who has warm memories of Gagne from his youth.

In the ring, Gagne (pronounced GAHN-yuh) drew on his background as a college wrestling champion in the 1940s, and typically finished off opponents with his trademark "sleeper hold" — a headlock that appeared to make the beaten man pass out.

Gutmann's widow, Betty Gutmann, said she was told by residents and staff members at the nursing home that Gagne picked her husband up and threw him to the ground. She said that they had had one scuffle before, when her husband had been shouting at other residents and Gagne put a chokehold on him. Gutmann wasn't hurt in that incident.

But Betty Gutmann is not blaming Gagne, saying he didn't know what he was doing.

She said most Alzheimer's victims are old and frail, and when they lash out, they don't usually cause much harm. The difference with Gagne is that "he was a professional athlete and was trained to do certain moves. This is what makes him much more dangerous than the ordinary person" with dementia.

Helmut Gutmann fled Nazi Germany in 1936, became a U.S. citizen and joined the Army, where he worked to try to develop an antidote for mustard gas, among other projects, according to his family. He spent 40 years as a cancer researcher at a veterans hospital in Minneapolis.

The company that runs the nursing home refused to comment, citing federal privacy laws.

Gagne was the founder and owner of the American Wrestling Association and wore its championship belt. In the 1960s and '70s, his "All-Star Wrestling" was a TV sensation. The show was a modest affair, taped before small audiences at various Minneapolis TV stations. But it was syndicated on up to 120 channels across the Midwest and as far away as San Francisco, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Salt Lake City and Winnipeg, Canada.

He mostly stopped wrestling in 1981 but remained active in the business. He trained more than 140 wrestlers from the late 1950s up until 1990, including Blackjack Lanza, Larry "The Axe" Hennig, The Iron Sheik, Sgt. Slaughter and Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who later became governor of Minnesota.

Times turned tough for Gagne in the early 1980s with the rise of the glitzier World Wrestling Federation (now World Wrestling Entertainment), which went national on cable TV. Vince McMahon's WWF lured away the AWA's flashiest star at the time, Hulk Hogan, and other fan favorites, Greg Gagne recalled. The AWA, founded in 1960, folded in 1991.

In the 1990s, Hennepin County took Verne Gagne's 58 acres and home on Lake Minnetonka for a park, paying him only a fraction of what the family thought it was worth, Greg Gagne said. By the time that fight was over and the bills were paid, he said, his parents had little money left.

Another blow came three years ago when Gagne was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at the Mayo Clinic, his son said.

"His short-term memory is not there," Greg Gagne said. "But we were up there the other day, and if you talk about his first-grade teacher he can discuss that." He said his father also reminisces about his days as a wrestler and football player at the University of Minnesota.

Daly, the law professor, counts himself among the many saddened by what happened at the nursing home. He fondly recalled a day when he was a teenager working at a local drug store and Gagne came in and struck up a conversation.

"Here he was, talking to a teenager about wrestling, about sports, about life," Daly said. "I remember thinking, `Wow, what a nice person.'"

Why We Watch, Exhibit P

Boys and girls, it's time for some rasslin' related positivism delivered with Arabian Facebuster's trademark astuteness, sporadic authenticity, selective and often warped sense of history, jaded markishness, and mid-morning elevated blood-alcohol level. That's right fans, not unlike the visually stunning, druid abundant, and pyrotechnic excessive return of The Undertaker every time he takes six months off to heal his body and chauffeur his wife Sara Undertaker to the mall for one exorbitant shopping spree after another, yours truly Malibu Sands is resurrecting the dormant "Why We Watch..." series/blog bit, highlighting the proverbial cream of the professional rasslin' crop.

Over the past couple of years, Arabian Facebuster has chastised WWE mouthpiece/shill Good Ol' JR for his barbecue sauce peddling, cowboy hat wearing, hoss admiring, Jezebel accusing, car collision rubbernecking [insert number of local town's major thoroughfare here] ways.

And justifiably so.

With that said, Jim Ross circa mid-1980s-mid 1990s -- as opposed to the Good Ol' JR character of the past decade -- in my opinion is the finest play-by-play announcer in the history THE professional rasslin'...although I readily admit that I have had a bit less exposure to the likes of Lance Russell or Larry Matysik to make a fully informed comparison and that I tend to (unfairly) view Gordon Solie as more of a cultural artifact of the 1970s-mid-1980s southern based territory system. Jim Ross' ability to properly call the action, tell and advance storyline, put over the talent, AND convey raw and seemingly genuine/unscripted emotion is both singular and sorely lacking in the contemporary, mainstream product and fan base (I am not going to get into the "chicken and egg" nature of this situation at the moment). Like Solie, Jim Ross' roots are in and approach to his craft are a product of the southern based territory system. Unlike Solie, I would contend he was largely responsible for nationalizing this style and making it mainstream through his late 1980s/early 1990s work in the National Wrestling Alliance and later World Championship Wrestling (i.e the Double U See Double U).

Obviously the bell's palsy and prolonged exposure to the disheartening sports entertainment orientation with regard to storyline, character, and in-ring product have taken their toll on his capacities and sapped much of his passion. But I think the brief clip above of certified hoss Dr. Death Steve Williams taking on the Tulsa Welding School's most renowned graduate Captain Redneck Dick Murdoch in the Universal Wrestling Federation circa late Spring/early Summer 1987 and featuring run-ins by Big Bossman/Bubba Rogers, anti-honky tonkin' crusader Skandor Akbar, "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert, and the giggly breasts of "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes narrated by Ross embodies the man's inimitable play-by-play style and approach and captures what makes him such a compelling, entertaining, and endearing figure.

Enjoy.

Don West: Been to Mike Tenay's House Several Times

Here at Arabian Facebuster, we regard having to endure the episodic wacky shenanigans, predictably unpredictable, completely pointless, and quickly forgotten storyline twists, turns, and drivel, and manically paced, overbooked, flippity floppity and/or garbagey matches of the Total Nonstop Action! promotion commensurate to sitting through a reading of the complete works of that extreme (ly pedantic, har har) poet laureate Jeff Hardy, politely enduring the demented jibber jabber of a shaggy haired, easily excitable, inebriated stranger at the local booze emporium who does not answer to the name "Hairy" Larry Nelson, having to actually pay for our own Macanudo cigars, or recapping six weeks worth of the Titanic of sports entrainment otherwise known as ECW on Sci Fi with Mike Adamle at the rudder -- tedious, wretched, painfully disturbing, and at-times self-harm inducing. In fact, for many of us in the Facebuster nation, these have become activities that we actually find preferable to watching TNA!.

In order to prove my point and steadfastly defend this line of the reasoning, I submit for your consideration the clip above i.e. Exhibit A: the flimsily based/motivated and no doubt hastily conceived on-air dissolution of the friendship and professional working relationship between Mike Tenay and Don West, the latter becoming agitated at, contemptuous towards, and turning heel on the former for (a) selling him out to TNA! management by not actually selling him out to TNA! management and sitting in silence instead of letting the company's braintrust know how incompetent, unintelligent, unprepared and easily rattled his broadcast partner actually is; (b) an alleged longstanding clandestine yearning to pull down Sting's pants and kiss his ass (and, presumably, since he's already down there, Sting's shriveled, shrunken, droopy beanbag); and (c) some combination thereof.

Enjoy.

Yr Old Skool Ethnic Babyface of the Week

Ivan Putski, who allegedly put the "pow" in "Polish Power," doing his best Popeye The Sailor Man impression.

"A Special Birthday Call. From the Darkside..."

Ric Flair=60

Yikes Happy Birthday, Naitch!

Yr Black History Month Foto of the Week

What would an annual Arabian Facebuster tribute to and celebration of black professional wrestling be without a foto of the Iceman King Parsons!?

An imperfect one, I would contend.

"OOPS! She Did It Again..."

... And just in time for WrestleMania 25!!!

Because we just couldn't get enough of that enlarged clitoral stuff, former WWE Superstar, er, I mean Diva, no, nope that's not quite right, umm, 2 Time Playboy Playmate, ungh, no, uh, Surreal Life Star, uh-nuh, I mean former Intercontinental Champion (yeah, that's it) Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer, aka Chyna Doll, aka THE source of all ArabianFacebuster WrestleMania Related Wagering Wagers has bequethed upon an unsuspecting world (and to the great delight of all of us here still waiting with baited breath for our  original "One Night in Chyna" review...P.N-G.?!!!?) ANOTHER dirrty, nasty, stinking, wart-infested pornagraphic foray into the proverbial Dark- Side (no, nope, sorry, not of the Eddie and the Cruisers variety neither!) 

With this cinematic bad-boy dropping sooner than X-pac's undescended testicle, all signs point to yes as to what our WM25 Wager is gonna be for '09! 

Now if only we could somehow review her previous body of work to establish a baseline for our critique....

BREAKING NEWS: Verne Gagne, Senile Cold Blodded Murderer!

Wow! Mark Twain and to a much lesser extent Greg Graffin were right, truth is stranger than fiction. Copied and pasted most certainly without permission from the Strib:

Star Tribune

Last update: February 19, 2009 - 8:49 AM

Minnesota professional wrestling legend Verne Gagne, 82, reportedly caused the death of a 97-year-old man by throwing him to the floor of a Bloomington care facility where they both lived, according to a report on MinnPost.com.

Both men reportedly suffer from Alzheimer's and dementia, the report says.

The incident involving Gagne and Helmut R. Gutmann occurred on Jan. 26 at Friendship Village, MinnPost says. Gutmann, who suffered a broken hip, died 20 days later in hospice care.

It isn't known what might have led to the incident.

The two men had been involved in another incident once before, Gutmann's wife, Betty, told the website.

Betty Gutmann, who also lives at Friendship Village, said her sadness about the incident was tempered by her belief that Gagne may not have known what he was doing, and apparently doesn't remember the incident.

Bloomington police confirmed to MinnPost that they are investigating a case at Friendship Village, but could not verify that the case involves Gagne and Gutmann because of privacy rules.

A member of Gagne's family declined to discuss the incident in detail.

A spokesman for Friendship Village refused to comment or acknowledge the case, citing federal health-care regulations.

Gagne was born in Corcoran and was a pro-wrestler from 1949 to 1981. He also was known for his charitable contributions.

Gutmann, who fled Nazi Germany, was a research scientist for 40 years and played with the Bloomington Symphony Orchestra.

Yr Black History Month Foto of the Week

Bad Leroy Brown, who soiled himself just prior to this photo was snapped. Brown is flanked by his manager Yosemite Sam Sir Oliver Humperdink.

Malibu's New Furniture...Have Mercy!!!

Facebuster Nation: Apologies are in order from the highly organized, pristine desk of Malibu Sands for the lack of substantive content over the past few weeks. You see, I've recently gone ahead and purchased myself a luxurious new estate on a sprawling, palatial riverfront property that architecturally and atheistically is not unlike "Nature Boy" Ric Flair's early 1980s lakefront home in suburban Charlotte NC, minus the weathered deck, freeloading water fowl, and smoking hot wife. Over the last month, I have been spending an inordinate amount of time unpacking and strategically arranging my wrestling action figures, hanging up a life-sized X-Pac poster on my bedroom ceiling and scouring the Twin Cities area's finest outlet malls, flea markets, swap meets, pawn shops, crack houses, land fills, and curb sides in search of furnishings and furniture for my pad.

Alas, my protracted and arduous ordeal for a poorly built floral print couch, pastel pink lamps designed and assembled without any sense of irony, and a 10 piece pit group (huh?) is finally over.

Gotta run...my flight to Love Field is departing in an hour. Oh, and I most assuredly will be telling the furniture sales associate (along with the airline ticket agent, skycap, stewardess, pilot, fat guy in the seat next to me, airport bartender, car rental agent, and hookers that I pick up on the way to and from the Love Furniture Center) that the Ice Man sent me.

Yr (Belated) Black History Month Foto of the Week

Shaska Whatley...possibly moments before Jimmy The Boogie Woogie Man Valiant hit him the shoulder with a loaded black glove, pinned him, shaved his head, and transformed him into a bald headed geek.

"Move over Pete Rose, Here Comes Fmr. Dept. of Labor Secretary Robert Reich"

Apparently flip-flopping Acadamy Award Nominee Mickey Rourke's name around Wrestlemania 25 just isn't enough celebrity star power for the 25th. anniversary of the "brawl that started it all", as WWE Superstar and formerly admitted "Big Red Retard" aka Kane, aka Issac Yankem DDS, aka The Fake Diesel, aka Unabomb, aka The Christmas Creature, aka Ron Paul "ReLOVE-U-TION" subcommandante Glenn Jacobs has taken it upon himself to inject an even more scintillating celebra-fued into the wrastlemania rumor mill....

Come the fifth of April, of this, our Lord's Year of Twothousand-ought- nine, could wee little ones be witness to....

KANE vs. Fmr. United States Department of Labor Secretary Robert Reich?!?

on february 3 Kane writes (uses a voice-mimicking device held against his scarred and ruined trachea):

"Professor Reich:

I have some questions about some of the points that you brought up when you appeared on CNN’s The State of the Union show Superbowl Sunday. Although all my own training in economics is purely autodidactic, it seems to me that your arguments rest on faulty premises."

That's funny, I didn't realize they let you watch the SuperBowl...in HELLLLL!!!! Kane continues:

"When asked what is the fastest way for the government to create jobs (a question which itself relies on the erroneous presumption that the government has the ability to "create" jobs), you replied with a three-part answer, and first stated that "almost all economists agree" with you.

Whether almost all economists agree or not of no importance, but gives your answer an air of authority. Unfortunately, it is the policies of these same economists which have caused the mess in which America currently finds itself. While "almost all economists" may still possess authority in academia, their credibility on Main Street is sorely lacking. In addition, many economists do not agree with you. In fact, Austrian economists vehemently disagree with you"

Who and/or what is Kane doing with these so called "Austrian Economists". Are they practicing some kind of vodoo economics? And if so, just how vehement is their vehemence? Excuse me, Kane goes on:

"The government’s second priority, you said, should be to build infrastructure – putting people to work building roads, bridges, a new electrical grid, and a broadband internet system.

While we certainly need those things, how is this going to create jobs and why is it the government’s business to build them anyway?"

Excuse me, WTF?!?

"While the government can create jobs in one sector of the economy, it can only do so by destroying jobs in another sector of the economy. Perhaps you are familiar with Frédéric Bastiat’s famous essay What Is Seen and What Is Not Seen. In it, Bastiat explains that when the government undertakes a project such as building a bridge we see the benefits it brings – the jobs that it creates. What we do not see are the things that are destroyed because of the project – the jobs that are not created because the government confiscates the resources needed to create them."

See? As in "See No Evil"?!? Excuse me, Kane concludes:

"The government’s third priority, according to you, should be tax cuts. I wholeheartedly agree. Let’s eliminate personal income tax*, property taxes**, sales taxes***, and corporate taxes***f'n*!, as well as the onerous regulations that have driven so many companies out of the country. Unfortunately, that’s probably not what you meant by tax cuts, is it"

(insert shower scene "Psycho" stabbing theme here * and here**, again here***, and especially the fuck here****)

"All in all, Professor Reich, it seems to me that your arguments defy logic and common sense. However, as a prominent economist, public policy expert, and opinion molder, I’m sure that you can explain what I am missing. I anxiously await your reply... at Wrestle Mania... (italics mine)."

As of the time of this posting, Fmr. Department of Labor Secretary Robert Reich has yet to make a formal response to Kane's accusations. Let's keep our fingers crossed...

the rev.

Yr Black History Month Foto of the Week

Tony Atlas and Rocky Johnson

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

Giant Gonzalez (WWF) aka El Gigante (Double U See Double U). The mullet being grabbed appears to belong to either Jim Powers or Barry Horowitz during a rare run as a babyface jobber.

Reason #14 to Admire the U.S. Penal System

For nine months, it kept Nick Hogan out of sight, out of mind, and attired in a gray (or perhaps it was orange) jumpsuit instead of the thugged out circus clown with a severe learning disability disqualifying of gainful employment in a non-carny related vocation look he is rocking so dumbfoundedly in the photo above.

At least he doesn't look as ridiculous as his father.

Yr Old Skool God Awful Rassler of the Week

John Nord and his various incarnations...Nord The Barbarian, Yukon John of the The Lumberjacks tag team fame (honorable mention goes to his partner Scott "Flap Jack" Norton), The Viking (pictured here) and of course The Berzerker (husk, husk!!!).

Reason #1 to Admire Killer Khan

It has been brought to my attention that vitriol and seething contempt leveled in the direction of a certain lacquery, leathery skinned cretin with an affinity for using his silicon enhanced, intellectually listless daughter to visually illustrate to this country's kindergartners and middle managers obligated to complete eight hours of sexual harassment training by their employer the difference between a "good touch," a "bad touch," and an "extended incestuous grope" has dropped off appreciably.

This ceasing and desisting is both intentional and voluntary. Sorry, I'm not going to besmirch Hulk Hogan's already tarnished reputation or those of his dysfunctional family and parasitic friends any longer. My friends, in 2009, you're going to be getting a kinder, gentler Facebuster. Instead of begrudging Hulk Hogan for being a complete, utter, and spectacular failure as a husband, father, professional wrestling tactician, and towel wave ambassador, Arabian Facebuster will instead be extolling the virtues and singing the praises of those who contribute to exposing Hulk Hogan for the worthless piece of garbage that he is.

So click here and we can get started with this dispositional transformation.

In addition to the green mist spewing prowess of Killer Khan, Mr. Fuji's incoherent yet sinister mutterings and whoever in the WWF wardrobe department was inspired to fit Jake Roberts for the Miami Vice garb as he pounded down -- judging by his slurred speech and glazed eyes -- about thirteen scotch n' sodas also warrant yr adulation and reverence.