Thursday, May 21, 2009

Reflections on WGN WWE Superstars: "Tommy Dreamer is DEAD..."

... or more likely Tommy Dreamer is now one of the UN-DEAD, as evidenced tonight by the unfortunate shuffling his corpse is doing in its title match against Christian for the ECW belt (Now! with 167% more bird!!).

Your Hnrble. Rev. feeleth good, Superstars good... After one entire beer be-guzzled & braut debauched week of Fan Conclaving and Editorial Archive VHS Video Conferencing deep in the shuttered depths that is Malibu Sands' Minneapolis/ St. Paul Minnesota ManCave, I have finally emerged re-born (ie: no longer hungover) and bathed in the a rightous light (ie: finally took a shower) to proclaim: The 2nd & 1/2 Annual Arabian FaceBuster Mid-Western and Rocky Mountain States' Fan Conclave and Partial-Editors Conference an "El Gigante-Huge"- Huge Success!!!

So successful was the A.A.F.B.F.C.&E.C. ver.2.5 that I'm feelin' sassy! Sassier than sitting across from a kicked Blackie Carmine with a hand-full of dollar bills!! So sassy in fact I think I'll watch an entire episode of this week's brand-new edition of WGN WWE Superstars!!!

3 matches: one hour, no backstage shenanigans, no diva whimsy, no McMahons.... this might just work... its a Thursday night at 6pm, its time for Supah-Stahhhs!!!

Back to the Action! Seriously, TDream is moving like he's got rocks in his socks, X'tian not so much better. Who or What is this?!?! Jack SWAGGAAR... and he's WALKIN'
Anywho, its a "No Contest" even though Christian is the one who collared Swagger over the top rope and into the ring, thus precipitating the "ding-ding-ding" and the retention of his title... but NO! Zombie Dreamer is ALIVE! and it wants that birdy belty-belty so it grabs its like its it who won it and now the corpse is in a tug-a-war with Christian over the belt!

Seriously, would Tommy Dreamer after all his years, well all his years sans bamboo caning to tha' 'noggin, really think a title would change hands with a ruling of "No Contest"?? Not unless he was a Zombie. Or Dead.

Think about it.

Koffi Kinston-mon vs. The Man's Man Bill Regal

Koffi should have won the Money in the Bank. W.dubuyou.Eee could have made him the first black man ever to win the briefcase, cash it in for his championship shot, and lose.

Punchy Hurty vs. Flippy Kicky: Works well as Regal fears not the flippity floppity floo of the Ghana-born Jamacan native. Koffi crisp as hell as Lawler comments on his smile, here's hoping he never loses it! King says something to the fact that Koffi always looks happy... Well, don't they all?

Decent match. Regal more than willing to make Koffi look good, seeking good contact for every spot. Better than what either of 'em usually get to do on RAW, probably 'cause they got more time to do it. Koffi in, uh, like 8.5 minutes maybe.


- Jericho is blaming the media for a vast Conspiracy Theory that is being used to keep him down. Nice.

- "athletcally arrogant" JR on Y2J.

- I hate the Go To Sleep. And the Go To Bed.

Punk wins with an inside cradle counter roll up off an attempted Walls of Jericho YJT used after he countered a GTS attempt with a roll up into said Walls.

Nice. Nice.

Each match longer than the usual outing. A better spotlight on some upper-mid, lower top-card action, amazingly none of the usual PPV/ RAW/ SmackDown recap/ promo/ highlight/ recap/ promo/ rinse/ wash/ promo filler, and not a trace of Santino or the other Divas.

All in all, an hour could be worst spent, such as the one your dearest Rev. and Mousier Malibu unfortunately endured this past week late one night during one of the many Editorial Archive VHS Video Conferences watching the proverbial gild come off the lilly that used to be the greatness that I previously though was Cactus Jack vs. Triple H in Madison Square Garden at the 2000 Royal Rumble (check @ 1:12 to see the real bat get spirited away under the spanish announce table and again @ 1:55 to see C.Jack retrieve the new "barbed wire" bat out and finally unleash it to "devastating" effect on H's ambitiously bladed, frmr. hermaphrodite and presently bosses-daughter fucking candy ass).

Superstars. Me Likey.

the rev.


Pencil Neck Geek said...

Sassy indeed! I will certainly be looking into this Supah Stahhhs business. I will also be looking into how I can get my very own King BGV action figure...

Malibu Sands said...

That Supah Stahhs recap was nice. Nice!

That's it, I'm heading back to Stillwater to do some racist salt & pepper shakers antiquing...and wildlife/northwoods wolf & loon art disparaging.