Friday, May 29, 2009

Brooke Hogan: Same Old Shit, Different Song Titles

Facebuster nation, I have a sneaking suspicion that my Sexy Action News Team credentials would be revoked lest I did not at least note in passing that the cover of Brooke Hogan's new album The Redemption was revealed this week.

From my understanding, the album's (and by album I mean collection of overly produced, repetitive, predictable, derivative songs written not by Brooke, but for Brooke on topics of import such as 22" rims, diamond encrusted grillz, jumbo sized silicon implants, thuggin' it on South Beach, hustlin' for the benjamins in da hoods of suburban Tampa Bay, DRAMA!!!, BOYZ!!!!, and playahata's [I'm still awaiting confirmation if Arabian Facebuster is the subject of a hidden bonus diss track]) title was a compromise after weeks 17 minutes of intensive contestation between the record executives with Brooke and her OJ Simpson level of violence minus the white 86 Ford Bronco, carefully polished Bruno Mali's, or any pretense of innocence or remorse pledging father.

I have a obtained a leaked, classified document from an anonymous record industry low-life which lists some of the alternative album titles that were scrapped. Based solely on the title was ultimately selected, I suspect it was the Hogan family that prevailed in this dispute.

Brooke Hogan: Airbrushed Cherubic Clown Whore;
Brooke Hogan: Now with 50% Less Ogleable Genitalia;
Brooke Hogan: Has A Signature That Appears Easier to Forge Than it Actually is;
Brooke Hogan: What the Hulkster Wishes His Daughter Looked Like;
Brooke Hogan: Yr Scrotum is Showing;
Brooke Hogan: Toned Body, Neglected Head;
Brooke Hogan: Big Fan of Mystical Unicorn Art.

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