Learning The Ropes

Q: What happens when you combine notorious habitual steroid abuser and strapping leading man Lyle Alzado, a talented supporting ensemble featuring Orthodox Jewish teen heartthrob newcomer Yannick Bisson whose boy next door looks, cunning yet wholesome grin, and closet full of Espirit sweaters and Union Bay acid washed jean jackets makes Kirk Cameron come across as a poor man's Rob Stone (the guy played the oldest Owens boy on TV's Mr. Belvedere) by comparison, a premise with more holes than Nick Hogan's defense at trial (or if you prefer, than Jeff Hardy's jizz rag post trailer fire), the musical artist and trusty synth machine that recorded the "Gimmie A Break" and "Silver Spoons" theme songs, and the superstars of the National Wrestling Alliance circa 1987?

A: A comedy serial about the joys and challenges of fatherhood as a single parent and the trials and tribulations of a career in professional rasslin'. Universal critical acclaim. Emmy consideration. Eventual enshrinement in the Television Academy Hall of Fame. And residual checks in the amount of $1.08 dispersed biennially to the surviving, non-incarcerated cast members.

Oh, and no way was that stiff in Lex Luger's Human Torture Rack Lyle Alzado. I suspect it was a jobber the caliber of a Vernon Deaton, George South, Brodie Chase, or juiced to the gills Mulkey brother.