Try Not To Vomit

It saddens me to report that, despite the potential consequences for the human gene pool, Randy Orton has been allowed to reproduce. Orton and his wife (pictured at left just moments prior to the conception) are expecting to burden our mental health system with their offspring sometime this summer.

Now, I'm no fan of eugenics, but can't something be done about this? Surely people like this... you know... with their, um... special needs... well, y'know... it's not like they even know what they're doing, is it? I mean, look at their happy faces! They haven't got a care in the world! And I just don't think they're really capable of making a life-altering decision like this. I mean, genetically, it's highly likely that the product of this union will have the same problems as Randy, or whatever deficiencies his lovely and simple wife may have.

Please, America. I know it's hard to talk about these things. But for the good of hotel rooms and gym bags everywhere, we must not let Randy breed.