Caucus Night in Minnesota

Here in Minnesota, we do democracy in the manner our forefathers intended...inconvenient (you convene and cast your vote between 6:30 and 8:00pm, no exceptions), chaotic (it took me about 20 minutes to find my correct precinct homeroom at the White Bear Lake High School -- Go Bears!), ill-prepared (they had perplexingly run out of "ballots," or more specifically, haphazardly cut 8.5" x 11" pieces printer paper with the names of candidates typed in what appeared to be Courier font), frustrating (I stood in line to sign in for about 45 minutes before finally being given a blank piece of paper and instructions to write in the name of my preferred candidate -- I wonder how many votes Mitt Huckabee will receive tonight!?), decidedly naughty (the nubile caucus clerk was showing some nice ass crack, keeping this nearly disenfranchised voter distracted long enough from otherwise bludgeoning the couple ahead of me in line with my pocket crucifix featuring a tiny bass playing Mike Hucakbee nailed to the cross), and insightful with post-caucus political analysis from former High Flyer and Killer Bee, "Jumpin'" Jim Brunzell.

God damn right.

Leaving the sprawling suburbatropolis of White Bear Lake, I flipped on AM flagship, the "Gooood Neighbor" 830 WCCO, for some perspective on the evening's exercise in standing on line. After a few minutes, Twin Cities radio icon and degenerate gambler Dark Star -- whose frequent use of the word "unbelievable" to describe absolutely anything he is sounding off on is nothing short of...well..unbelievable -- introduced Brunzell, who was calling in from the comfort of his topaz colored 1994 Chevy Astro Van to unleash his political gravitas on the unsuspecting masses. Jumpin' Jim's savvy and sophisticated insights included that he caucused for the first time tonight (as a point of reference, I am about 25 years younger than Jim and have caucused in MN twice despite not living here for 50% of the presidential elections I have been eligible to participate in)...he and his wife drove around trying for what seemed like forever to locate a parking spot in the aforementioned Astro Van...it was really crowded inside too...and he also mentioned something about trying to go to the Obama rally on Saturday but not being able to stick it out because Arabian Facebuster's preferred candidate for enacting its anti-job stealing/disease ridden illegal immigrant, pro third-trimester abortion platform wasn't going to speak until 4:00 and he had dinner plans (Brunzell obviously secured a coveted 5:15 reservation at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company in the food court that Hulkamania! built).

Provocative, shrewd, unrivaled electoral observations from 1/2 of the 27th greatest tag team in World Wrestling Federation History. Now that's compelling radio!

No word on whether former tag team partner B. Brian Blair was able to weather the lines and cast a ballot this evening.