Monday, October 18, 2010

Jumpin' Jeff Farmer: House Cleaner

Facebuster Nation, I apologize for the drop off in routine, top notch blog content (heretofore referred to as blogtent for purposes of expediency) over recent weeks. Obviously, our time together is dwindling rapidly. In fact, in order to monitor the time until our beloved Arabian Facebuster Project's inevitable day of reckoning, I am borrowing The National Wave's countdown clock, used by that ill conceived event's organizers to calculate the days until the commencement of cancellation of out of sync and utterly pointless hanky undulation.

We've still got a lot to cover over the next 2 1/2 months...the search for Rocky Mountain Thunder's successor as the World's Worst Worker...more insights into the feuds, grapplers, angles, promotions, and peculiarities that have made us fans of THE professional rasslin'...a cavalcade of jobbers getting squashed for our videos from Memphis...Gail Gagne's looming trial on charges of criminal sexual conduct...*crosses fingers* Hogan Family Death Pool resolution...and of course the drugged up yet somehow still grounded rantings of, as far as yrs truly Malibu Sands is concerned, Arabian Facebuster's 2010 Blogtent MVP: Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant!!!

Oh, and I almost forgot! More white hot action and cutthroat promos from the soooupa staaahhs of the IPW.

Much, much more.

So without any further ado, let's get back into it by watching the highly combustible Jumpin' Jeff Farmer-Motley Cruz and Richie Rouge-that big, nasty, wart infested Bulldozer situations blow up like a great big ol' stick of dynamite!!!...assuming of course the stick of dynamite was (a) untalented; and (b) woefully out of shape.

I'm going to utilize a FACT or FICTION narrative device in order to offer and organize my thoughts on this fracas...

FACT (0:06-0:16): Motley Cruz has the face and hair of "Gorgeous" Jimmy Garvin and the fat ass of every wrestler of Samoan lineage since 1953.

FICTION (0:30): Richie Rouge's textbook dropkick proves that he is indeed a master craftsmen of the squared circle.

FICTION (0:58): The IPW does not pipe in canned noise during post-production. They don't need to, what with rabid enthusiasm of the capacity crowd and the electric atmosphere that comes from holding yr cards in a dimly lit elementary school cafeteria.

FACT (1:04): Bulldozer's "chain" bears a striking resemblance to a leather belt.

FACT (1:23): Jumpin' Jeff Farmer might want to rethink his trunks choice of red spandex bike shorts.

FICTION (1:33): Rob Van Dam throws a stiffer looking punch than Jumpin' Jeff Farmer.

FACT (1:42): The preferred way to throw Motley Cruz out of the ring is to have something called Odell Buckingham deliver a forearm shot to the back of his neck.

FICTION (1:52): "Exciting action" and "Pandemonium" are the phrases which most accurately describe the IPW's in-ring product.

1 comment:

The Rev. von Fury said...

FACT: "Sloppy Joe's" and "Idaho Haystacks" were on the cafeteria menu that day.

FICTION: Only children like "Sloppy Joe's".