Wednesday, November 25, 2009

State of the (Facebuster) Union

(Dorton Arena, Raleigh, NC)

Facebuster Nation, I apologize for the lack of substantive blog content over the past few weeks. Now Rev. Von Fury, while I respect yr opinion and will passive-aggressively defend yr right to express it, I simply fail to appreciate how my upload yesterday of Silo Sam compressing Larry Nelson's head qualifies as anything approaching or remotely resembling high quality blog fodder.

So what gives? Where was I? What have I been up to these past weeks? Painstakingly putting to paper in vivid detail every rear chin lock, arm drag take down, convoluted yet utterly predictable reversal sequence, and botched flippity floppity spot after *sigh* botched flippity floppity spot from September's F1RST pro rasslin' show in order to fulfill my recap obligations? Absolutely not. Scouring the Twin Cities metropolitan areas finest garage sales and liquidation clearance outlets for a tape player so that I may finally get to listenin' and reviewin' Hulk Hogan's book-on-tape per my comeuppance for making such shitty Wrestle Mania 25 prognostications? Yes, albeit in a dawdling, easily distracted and half-assed manner. Prolifically recording my hastily marinated takes on an assortment of pressing Buck Rock and/or Roll Zumhoffe related matters on Rev. Von Fury's answering machine? Absolutely! Not watching WWE programming except for a segment or three of Friday Night Smackdown on a fortnight? That almost goes without saying...

Truthfully (that would be shootfully in rassle speak), I have been contemplating how to best share this decision with the Facebuster Sexy Action News Team...that 2010 will be my final year contributing to our beloved Arabian Facebuster project.

It will also mark the end of my tenure as Executive Vice President of the Janitorial and Custodial Division at Tully Blanchard Enterprises, Incorporated.

Bottom line, I find the contemporary product -- the WWE and TNA in particular (I don't view enough Ring of Honor to pass judgment on it...I suspect I would enjoy it a great detail but time and convenience/ease of access/my laziness make it prohibitive) -- tedious, monotonous, homogeneous, bland, stale, disengaging, and thus joyless...whether it be from an artistic, earnest, ironic, kitschy, derogatory, fault finding, or utterly thoughtless perspective and viewpoint. Of course, there are a few exceptions: namely and consistently Chris Jericho and to a lesser and more sporadic extent, yet still worthy of acknowledgment Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, CM Punk, John Morrison, and Mark Swaggle.

Alright, not Mark Swaggle.

But when John Cena's matches and promos no longer gnaw at your craw and offend your sensibilities as a rasslin' fan, you know that the sportz entertainment ethos has won, that professional rasslin' is/has lost, and that your 25+ years of fandom occupies the space between disarray and disrepair.

With that said, I commit and look forward to providing another 13 months (hopefully without any extended interruptions and respites in posting) worth of rasslin' related content that hopefully you will find provocative, humorous, well written, informative/enlightening, of high quality, and in the non-hyperbolic words of Good Ol' JR, absolutely scintillating.

Specifically, I need to complete the "Why We Watch..." series. And the Hogan book-on-tape recapitulation. Closely related, I want one last chance to redeem myself at the granddaddy of 'em all, picking match outcomes. There are a number of YouTube clips that warrant contextualizing and celebrating for their brilliance...and in many cases sheer terribleness. I hope we are able to organize one last Staff Conference and Fan Conclave. Oh, and I suspect that The Undertaker might feel compelled to get a hold of Rev. Von Fury on matters that loosely involve and grasp to incorporate Sara Undertaker. Plus, I'm sure Hulk Hogan will need to be repeatedly taken to task for his self-promoting, narcissistic, shameless and shameful ways. Debunking and destroying the myth of Hulkamania and the tenets upon which it relies has been so much easier (and arguably more rewarding) than waging war on sportz entertainment.

Alright, that's enough introspection, sincerity, and self-contained gravity for one post.

Let's go to the ring...


Apollo Spas said...

This, by the way, is why I haven't posted anything in months. Verbatim.

Pencil Neck Geek said...

What have we here !?!

I return home from a week visit to the in-laws delighted to find that loads of content have pushed the mugs of Dolph Zigler and JJ far down the page, only to discover your stunning announcement.

Well, perhaps not all that stunning... I think the Double Double E Sportz Entertainment Universe Product malaise has been taking its toll on all of us for some time now.

I, for one, am looking forward to the coming year's victory lap. I assume that Ted McGinley will join up in 2011 (as your long lost uncle, Malibu Grand Prix) to carry this blog into an exciting new era of total irrelavance.

Godspeed and happy cassette player shopping!

Malibu $and$ said...

Strange...I've never seen Ted McGinley's name grouped with the phrase "total irrelevance."

Pencil Neck Geek said...

Did I say "total irrelevance"? That should actually read "global excellence".