Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Lessons Learned: 4th Annual AFSC&FC Edition

1. That General Skandor Akbar would have found our Nordeast Pub Crawling antics as nothing more than honkey tonkin’ in its most savage form.

2. That cabin fatties convene their own staff conferences and fan conclaves too, based on the assemblage of plumpers flanking us at Tony Jaro’s and firing down Greenie’s -- and it's cousin, the Pinkie -- (both of which are pictured above) at a pace that even the capable Rev Von Fury and Carminson Fritzerson couldn’t possibly keep up with...although they both tried valiantly.

3. Nordeast Social has the greatest waitress archetypes ever assembled for my lecherous, half-drunken gawking and rasslin’ themed small talk slash pick up lines (i.e. “You polish those wine glasses with the fervor, meticulousness, and gusto of Virgil shining up Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Belt”).

4. Ganking a taxi cab right out from under an indecisive, relatively acquiescent all bark and no bite Tony Jaro’s patron then cutting a Four Horsemen esque promo (sans the Rolex Watch, ostrich shoes, title belt, or rails of cocaine up the ol’ schnoz) on him and his posse of transportation-less Chum Bucket’s is equivalent in its exhilaration to not starting one’s day completely hung over, utterly worthless, talking with a tempo akin to Jimmy “The Boogie Woogie Man” Valiant pontificating from a gutter, and with Hulk Hogan’s autobiography on tape blaring in the background.

5. If Curt Henning were alive today, Pencil Neck Geek would want to convey to him the following message: “You’re doing good bud. I love you Curt. I love you man.”

6. That “Ted DiBiase’s forehead gushes buckets of beautiful blood versus Ric Flair” is equivalent to “Samoa Joe’s chest turns the color and consistency of raw hamburger versus Kenta Kobashi.”

7. That Glen Goza and the “We Are the World” anthem for squared circle enthusiasts that is the Wrestle Rock Rumble streamed over the interwebs > live Spoon + Deerhunter.

8. A pair of Arn Anderson’s “Anderson boots” (maroon with the three grayish horizontal stripes) on my feet = Great Idea. Lawn chairs in the Malibu Manor Man Cave (aka Smoky Malibu’s) to accommodate the viewing of rasslin’ = The Greatest Idea.

9. Fear the Wheel of Hogan and the machinations of terror and annoyance it contains. Always.

10. That hardwood floors provide both a striking aesthetic and a durable surface for a post ganked cab ride back from Nordeast drunken scrum.

11. That Rev Von Fury should eat a steamed ham or two prior to pub crawling across the Nordeastern terrain or face the next day head and hhaaaarrrttt aching consequences.


Pencil Neck Geek said...

Malibu, you too, are doing good bud.

One regret... We never ran over the Hulk Hogan cassettes with your car. Perhaps you can pack them (along with a week's supply of Tony Jarro's secret Greenie mix) for your Northwest journey this summer and we can get the job done.

roddimus said...

i agree.