Dream Match: Nightmare

Bruiser Brody vs. Undertaker. Dream match that wrestling fans wish that they could have seen happen, and very well might have had it not been for the loathsome and despicable piece of shit otherwise known as Jose Gonzalez/Invader I, seen here getting decimated by our revered furry booted, wild eyed brawler. Right!?

Well, not exactly. For the match itself actually did happen, back in the post-boom, non-glory days of World Class Championship Wrestling promotion, circa 1987/1988. A grayer than I remember Bruiser Brody vs. a very green, lumbering, taut, rigid, and inflexible Undertaker, under a hood as Texas Red (which predated his The Punisher phase) and accompanied by his manager the Percival Pringle III, sporting an absolutely boss canary yellow with black stars blazer (Pringle of course would later go on to gain another 200 pounds and five chins, dye his hair black, and become Paul Bearer). 120 year old Bronko Lubich handles the slow counting duties while Mark Lowrance narrates the sluggishly paced action.

While not exactly approaching Rocky Mountain Thunder vs. any and all American Wrestling Association jobbers in terms of in-ring wretchedness and botchitude, this match certainly fails to live up to what one would expect from two of the best big men/super-heavyweights to, in the unfortunately and carelessly chosen words of Magnum T.A. -- and I'm paraphrasing here -- "get it on like two grown men should do" in the homoerotic charged confines squared circle.

The Undertaker gets absolutely worked over in this one, getting in absolutely zero offense against the relentless veteran. I also believe this was the last time The Undertaker actually did a clean job...