To my left, the official "Chris Jericho Cell Phone Sock", available for a paltry $8.95 at th' WWE shop zone.
Folks, I need me this cell phone sock.
I need this cell phone sock because I am a cell-phone havin' fool, and the display of my Pantech sliding-keyboard Text-a-Tron 950 is getting all scratched up from the constant friction caused by sliding in and out of the ass pocket of my incredibly tight black hipster jeans. Swear to god, I haul that baby out fifty, sixty times a day, with nary a cell phone sock for protection. I'm checking hockey scores (well, not in the middle of summer), I'm trip planning with Trimet, I'm google-ing restaurants...
That's right, fans, try to control yr excitement. Th' thrilling worldview of Arabian Facebuster has taken yet another bold step into the forefront of th' digital age! Swing by twitter.com/apollospas, and you too can receive profanity-laden text messages whenever I'm watching wrestling! Too sweet! Wanna hear about how Mickie James looks like an Oompa-Loompa? Sign up! Wondering if TNA is still gross and boring? Sign up! Want public-health warnings whenever Tommy Dreamer takes his shirt off? Well, then you should probably follow Chris Jericho's feed, not mine, but sign up with me anyway! It's twitterific!
Thank you for yr time, and I'm not kidding about wanting that cell phone sock.