Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Conclave Update: No Longer Dunk Tank Free

What is shaping up to be the biggest party of the summer is most certainly not Summer Slam...fuck Summer Slam...its Arabian Facebuster's 2nd Annual Staff Conference and Fan Conclave. As detailed on this blog's hallowed pages, Apollo Spas, Pencil Neck Geek, Rev. von. Fury and yours truly Malibu Sands have assembled a who's who of professional wrestling n'er has been's, do well's, or will be's for the purposes of mocking and belittling as we get hammered to the point of belligerence, loss of motor functions, and forced removal from the premises by hotel security in The Shilo Inn-Portland Airport's late 1980's motif adorned piano bar lounge.

And joining us in celebrating, carousing, evacuating bodily waste into commemorative gunny sacks, digging up unmarked graves in hopes of solving the mystery of whether Rocky Mountain Thunder is alive or dead, hawking whimsical can koozies, and coming up with even more ingenious slogans for said whimsical koozies (new candidates include Arabian Facebuster: The Thumb Into The Eye of Sports Entertainment; Rev. von Fury TV: Not To Be Confused With Black Entertainment Television; This Koozie Cost Me Minty Minty American Dollars; and Arabian Facebuster: The XFL of Pro Wrestling Bloggery) will be the likes of Kamala, Brother Love, some guy whose sister knows the nephew of Headbanger Mosh, Glen Goza, a pair of replica brass balls that a certain favorite son of Portland dangled from the license plate of his car, some chick whose brother knows the niece of Handbanger Thrasher, Nelson Frazier Jr finally assuming the role of Big Gay Vis (now that he's out of work, why the heck not!), Batista's estranged lesbian mother, Larry Nelson, and tentatively The Undertaker.

Yes. That's right.

THE Larry Nelson.

In a dunk tank.

Or as "Jammin'" Mitch Snow prefers to call him, Hairy Larry.

Not unlike the scenario that plays out in the clip pasted below...minus the presence of Shawn Michaels, Eric Bischoff, or "The Jammin' Man," of course. Although my well placed sources inform me that Marty Jannetty works at The Shilo Inn as a kiddie pool life guard by day and as an on-call gigolo catering to the lonely, horny female business traveler slightly tipsy after a couple of glasses of White Zinfandel and thus liberated from her inhibitions or standards in men by night and might end up making a cameo at some point during the weekend.

Please also consider this the final post in Arabian Facebuster's trilogy on Larry Nelson's uneventful evening at Jukebox Saturday Night.


Pencil Neck Geek said...

Fuck Summerslam indeed.

Until I watched the clip, I was sure you were referring to Larry Nelson in a drunk tank...

Malibu Sands said...

Funny. I initially entitled the post "Larry Nelson In A Drunk Tank...I Mean Dunk Tank" but then after reading the comments section for the clip under YouTube, I realized some pithy keyboard warrior beat me to it.

Rest assured, if surveillance footage of Larry Nelson exists, Arabian Facebuster will procure and upload it.

Malibu Sands said...

How about this for koozie slogan!?:

"My Other Above Ground Pool is a Dunk Tank."