Monday, July 14, 2008

Larry Nelson: Germaphobe

Facebuster nation, much like Larry Nelson wants to talk about the AWA Streetfight Battle Royals coming to sold out arenas half-capacity high school gymnasiums in urban metropolises like Council Bluffs, Iowa, Fergus Falls, MN and Hammond, IN in the clip embedded above, I want to apologize for the dearth of substantive content emanating my office over the last couple of weeks.

Suffice it to say, I have been swamped with other projects of import, specifically penning a lengthy chastisement to Nick Cave (with a CC to each of The Bad Seeds) for leaving a size 13" carbon footprint in the form of a near 60 page booklet of lyrics and liner notes accompanying the haunting and majestic Dig, Lazarus, Dig! Now that's out of the way, I am formally suspending my rasslin' writing sabbatical so I can get back to giving all of you the slapdash content and unsophisticated insights you both crave and so richly deserve...more profiling the personalities that inspired our pro wrestling fandom and have compelled us to continue tuning in to today's mainstream product despite its creative bankruptcy (see last week's episode of RAW with John Cena accompanied by gregarious thugs Shad and JTG [thanks to Rev. Von Fury for informing me which is which, since all black people with the exception of Ice Man King Parsons, Bobby "Guy" Lashley, Big Daddy V, or any white person dressed in black face look alike to me] tagging Bradsahw's limo with the unfortunate phrase "JBL is poopy")...more caustic scrutiny of Terry Bollea's shallow and self-serving life (proclamations as to God's will and Biblical citations dually noted) and censures of Hulk Hogan's glaring in-ring limitations and goofy promos...more Rocky Mountain Thunder gunny sack contents speculation (after repeated careful viewings of the clip posted up on this very site, I am postulating that the gunny sack is either filled with RMT's stash of kiddie porn or the dismembered and mutilated corpse of a truck stop hooker)... and of course more admiration of Larry Nelson's salt-n-pepper whiskers and ability to do his job proficiently whilst under the influence of sixteen Cutty Sark neats and a couple of rails of cocaine snooted off a stripper's well tanned, glitter adorned, firm yet curvaceous bottom.

The clip in question is culled from the summer of 1987 and in no particular order features (a) a spry, impish, and feathered haired Paul E. Dangerously putting over his Dangerous Alliance stable comprised of The Original Midnight Express (Dennis Condrey and Randy Rose) and Adrian Adonis while promising to perpetrate violence upon the Funyuns and malt liquor ravaged torso of Tommy Rich (who I believe was being managed by Dangerously and working heel in Memphis against Jerry "The King" Lawler prior to jumping ship to the AWA); (b) Larry's agitation at Paul E's fully extended telephone antenna; (c) Larry's disgust after sullying his fingertips with a poster board containing such as blasphemous notion.

It's good to be back!

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