First, endless apologies for my absence. After an initial (planned) vacation from snark and whimsy (and the scorched and blighted thing that is contemporary wrasslin') I found myself the target of a particularly savage illness, which left me a howling tunnel of shit and vomit, crying for the sweet release of death.I felt like last Friday's Smackdown! (Haw. Did you miss me, you poor bastards?)
So, stomach a-settled and teeth freshly-brushed, I thought I'd pop a Beefheart record on th' hi-fi and see what's doing in the world of Sports Entertainment. Oh, crackers! It's only a week-and-a-half until the Royal Rumble! The most important pay-per-view of the year except the main one and (debatably) that other one! I'd better hurry up and cover this shit! Why, we've got Edge/Mysterio, we've got Orton/Hardy, we've...
Aw, fuck it. I do NOT care. Just weeks after officially ending hostilities against the double-double E, and I'm itching for another war. These clowns have learned nothing from my dreams. Yeah, Edge is still killing shit, but the rest of Smackdown! is one big shrug. Even the decent matches are ones we've seen twice already (hi, Rey and Chavo!), the new announcing team of Coach and Cole is making me long for the amazing color work of Peter Senerchia, and the bad matches... Khali's manager arm-wrestles Hornswoggle? Ye Gods.
Look, if we can watch this for free at some unsuspecting bar, that's great. Last year was fun, right? All the Portland Wrestling guys had drinking-game rules for the rumble and we drew contestants out of a hat? And I got Sabu? And I severely burned my mouth with some fried chicken? But as far as actually paying for this per-view, and watching Jeff Hardy job to Randy Randy in a sober, non-circus atmosphere, I'm afraid fucking not.
Hey, don't cry... I'm not trying to be mean. Maybe we can get the TNA thing in February.
Eh. Maybe.
5 comments:
I love that picture with the ring and WWF roided out action figures, especially Gorilla Monsoon doing his imitable brand of cliche ridden commentary from ringside!
Will be having a RR predictions thread again this year?
Wagering on the outcome does sort of force us to get interested, so I guess we better. Thank god Iron City is back from bankruptcy or we wouldn't have any prizes.
Yeah, I guess I didn't think through the fact that venturing predictions would actually require some knowledge of the matches and who was in the Rumble.
I'm saying HHH wins the Rumble, assuming he's entered in it. If not, then my guess is Highlander Rory McAllister.
Whatever we end up doing, we should make sure to get more mouth scorchingly delicious chicken from the Reel M' Inn.
You've got eagle eyes Malibu. I'm a little embarrassed that co-workers just passing by my cubible found me scouring a screen sized version of the action figure photo looking for Gorilla Monsoon.
It also appears that the Jake Roberts figurine is making some sort of gang sign.
Or maybe that "C" stands for crack?
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