Kurt Angle: Drunk Driver?

Here at Arabian Facebuster, we are dedicated to chronicling the vehicular follies and transgressions of your favorite (and least favorite) professional wrestling superstars. From Eddie Gilbert's efforts to maim Jerry "The King" Lawler with his rent-a-car in a 10MPH zone, to Hulk Hogan's idiot son's reckless, high-speed, cocksure joyriding escapades, to the Big Shew's Congressional Medal of Honor worthy attempt to mow down Hulk Hogan with his monster truck, to the shirtless hitchhiking misadventures (are there any other kind, really?) of the Fantastics, to Randy Orton's defecation in the trunk of the newest WWE Diva Search winner's canary yellow Mazda Miata (likely to occur in early 2008), we've got it covered, baby!

The latest alleged menace to this great nation's highways and byways? Why that would be your Olympic Hero and current TNA! Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle, who was arrested last week for suspicion of DUI in suburban Pittsburgh. Oh, it's true...it's damn true. Here's the local CBS affiliates' report:

MOON TWP. - Olympic gold medalist and professional wrestling star Kurt Angle was charged Friday with driving under the influence.

Moon Township police said they received a call from a motorist at 1:49 p.m. complaining that someone driving a white Cadillac nearly struck his vehicle in a restaurant parking lot.

The motorist, who gave police the vehicle's license plate number, also said the Cadillac was driving erratically on Beaver Grade Road and almost hit a traffic sign. Police tracked the Cadillac to Angle's residence, which they did not identify.

Angle, 38, who has admitted an addiction to painkillers, told police he had been at the restaurant and driven home. He failed a sobriety test but refused a blood test. He was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or a controlled substance and careless driving. He was released to appear in court at a later date.

If you ask me, this sounds like a classic case of mistaken identity. Getting shit-faced at 1:00 on a weekday afternoon? That hardly seems like the type of risky, unhealthy, deviant behavior that Kurt Angle, or for that matter anybody in the professional wrestling industry, would engage in. Refusing to cooperate with authorities? An addiction to painkillers? Possession of a controlled substance? Clearly, law enforcement must have apprehended another gold medal adorned, bald, belligerent, chemically dependent, broken down man who also just so happens to be named Kurt Angle.

Let's hope Mr. Angle retains high-powered defense attorney Clarence Mason and is swiftly exonerated of any wrongdoing.