Exit, stage left?There have been recent comments circulating in the liberal Jew-run media disparaging this administration's wartime strategy. To wit, they allege that we haven't got a wartime strategy. These bleeding-heart left-wing communist-backed Mafia Mind Control Frankensteins sit in their depraved homosexual opium dens and sneer, "Apollo, you guys said you were at war with the WWE and TNA, but all you've done is sit on the fender of a Jeep with no steering wheel, drinking Iron City and writing drafts for posts like The Eliminators: Gay Tag Team or Gayest Tag Team? and watching old GLOW tapes as 'research'. What kind of war are you fighting, anyway?"
Listen, you mealy-mouthed punks. I didn't spend ten years in a Viet Cong prison camp so you could talk shit about America. No, seriously, I didn't. But I DID spend ten minutes scrolling through the latest wrestling gossip, and lemme tell ya... whatever we're doing, it's working. In the last two weeks, the double double E has suspended at least ten of its wrestlers, fired perennial time-wasters Eugene and Cryme Tyme, and (this is the crucial part) possibly lost the services of both the legendary Ric Flair and the insanely entertaining King Booker.
Now, by all reports, Flair is too far in debt to both the IRS and his ex-wife to seriously consider getting out of the wrasslin' game (although I have a couple of Costco Camping Mats that Flair can crash on, if he needs to. For real. They're the Cadillac of portable sleep accessories.), but King Booker is another story. Wealthy, erudite, and possessed of his Own Goddamn Wrestling Federation, King Bookah looks set to walk. This, obviously, deals a pretty serious blow to th' WWE talent pool, which is already heavily depleted by injuries (hi, Undertaker!) and drug suspensions (hi, Edge, William Regal, Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, Randy Orton, John Morrison, Sho Funaki [!], and numerous others!). Soon, our war of attrition will have taken the ultimate toll on the WWE. That's right. They'll be forced to put Teddy Hart back on national TV.
And then, ladies and gentlemen, the whole world wins.
As for TNA, they might not be willing to shell out the loot to keep Kevin Nash around. Good luck filling your new two hour slot, you fucking chuckleheads. Cheers for sacking Test, though. That's the kind of creative firing that might get you off the war list.
So let's hear no more of this defeatist pinko crap. We're Arabian Facebuster, the Greatest Wrestling Website Of All Time. And we're fucking winning.
2 comments:
Man, was that low-ball glass of Camo Black Ice refreshing!
I missed the King Bookah/WWE split. Is it steroids, a contract dispute, or something entirely different?
Alright, back to stuffing the RAW Diva search virtual ballot box.
More reputable sources than this explain the Bookah situation thusly:
Booker's PWA promotion is doing pretty well, and he approaches Vince about using it as a WWE development territory. Vince sez no, gives a new development deal to some back office shmo instead. Vince also tells Booker to quit using WWE wrestlers on his cards. A few months later, the new round of suspensions comes down the pike, and Booker catches a bad one. He thinks about how he's being treated lately, how he's pretty banged up and close to retirement anyway, and says, "Fuck you guys, I quit."
Interesting side note: After getting the WWE guys yanked off his cards, Booker started replacing them with ringers from TNA.
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