Friday, June 19, 2009

Goin' to R-A-S-S-L-I-N-!-!-!

Aw yeah...that's right, yrs truly Malibu Sands and "There's No Hulkamaniacs Here/I've Never Been Here Before/Aaah, It's Not Hot/I Know You, I Know You Too" aficionado Frogtown are once again descending upon the vaunted First Avenue mainroom for evening of live F1RST pro rasslin'! Yup, we're goin' to rasslin'!

And what a card they have assembled for the cretins, mutants, inbreds, filthy degenerates, online fantasy gamers, mom's basement dwellers, and chronic masturbators of the Twin Cities metropolitan area this evening. The lazy right eyed and as of last Saturday night former Ring of Honor Champion Jerry Lynn takes on serial Chyna poontang destroyer and caboose plower X-Pac. Flippity floopity floo on parade as Cody O'Neil battles Arik Cannon and then, win, lose, or draw, retires from squared circle competition. Also booked, Danny Havoc, who will spend 8 minutes plundering 6% Body Fat Rob James with a barrage of whimsical weaponry.

I previewed the card on da ol' Facebuster last month, so if you want to revisit some Malibu snark regarding tonight's star studded shenanigans, go here.

I'll be back this weekend or early next week with some highlights. Until then, I leave you with these introspective lyrics, set to the music of Glen Goza:

Watchin' X-Pac work free of struggle or strain, that's rasslin.

Treatin' my gullet like a Surly Furious drain, that's rasslin'.

Chantin' "show us yr birth canal"at the scantily clad valets, a truly vulgar refrain, that's rasslin'.

R-A-S-S-L-I-N that's rasslin'.

R-A-S-S-L-I-N that's rasslin'.

1 comment:

Malibu Sands said...

Unfortunately, an 11th hour crisis came up, meaning no rasslin' for me.

I feel like a smug rasslin' promoter with an underlying sense of contempt for his fanbase for baiting and switching you all like that.

Perhaps my penance should be hiring Buck Rock and Roll Zumhoff and his unsightly band of midgets and ladies to recreate/reenact last Friday's F1RST PRO WRESTLING card in its entirety in my backyard (which is now 90% knotweed free!).