Chris Masters: You're Fired

Much to the chagrin of talentless, pea-brained, artificially enhanced lunks everywhere, "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters was fired earlier today for getting busted engaging in conduct unbecoming a WWE superstar: supplementing his training regimen of strawberry-n-banana daiquiri's and half eaten slices of pizza with banned performance enhancing and pain relieving drugs, thereby running afoul of the company's sanctimonious wellness policy.

Give the WWE credit for its consistency when it comes to adjudicating matters of discipline and punishment. When "The Masterpiece" fails a couple of drug tests he gets buried for months on television, suspended, and ultimately terminated. When Randy Orton violates the wellness policy, purchases a cachet of firearms fit for an anti-government militia, gets sent home from a tour of Europe for criminal damage to property, AND is caught making dookie in another superstar's gym bag, he is pushed to the moon and awarded the WWE Title.

Seems fair and equitable to this reporter.

And it doesn't take Nostradamus or even John Edward, you know that tool from Crossing Over, to foretell what the future holds in store for "The Masterpiece." Folks, we're looking at the latest retread to take up yet another valuable spot on the Total Nonstop Action! wrestling roster. Christy Hemme and the rest of the TNA knockouts better guard their duffel bags judiciously, for Masters is liable to take a more bellicose, revolting, and downright stinky approach to attaining that elusive professional wrestling superstardom...or he could follow in the footsteps of so many of his predecessors by screwing his way to the top.

***

After skimming back over this post, you might be wondering "What the heck does a particularly emaciated Larry King dressed like a 14 year old boy have to do with 'The Masterpiece' being given the ol' pink slip?"

Mercifully, absolutely nothing.